I dunno

I've lost weight. I've lost bloody six pounds....... excuse my language. That is not a good thing for someone like me. I am underweight and it's not cute at all and i need to gain but i have not been eating much the last two weeks or so, i honestly cannot stomach that crap they serve us at school. So now i'm home. I have been for four days and i leave tomorrow afternoon. I have been eating regularly. It's been good but i dunno if i can gain enough. I need to gain ten pounds and i'll be happy. Just ten. Only ten. Then it can stop.

My friend Arlene called just now, from Germany. I luv Arls, she is the coolest. I hadn't heard from her in a bit so it made my day to get that call. We talked about stuff that goes on with us. School, work and such. I told her all about Bigg and she told me about Walter. Her Walter. It's awfully sweet really. Anyway it was good to hear someone else's voice and not the annoying people i am forced to be around all the time. You can possibly tell i am sick of America. Ugh.

I heard from mum. I kinda regret telling her i was interested in Big since everything is all buggered now. I dunno how to explain the foolishness that is my love life. I think my luv life, on top of arriving entirely too late, was born demented and disfigured. I can't exactly chuck it, cuz i only get one, but it needs a lot of help at the moment. Bigg is driving me bonkers. And the really strange thing is, it's probably all in my head. In fact i am sure it is all in my head but i can't help it. But then again i am the complete loon who called him about five gazillion billion times this week, for no good reason. Bugger, bugger, bugger!

I just watched the new Bridget Jones film. Absolutely fabulous movie really. I love British flicks and this one happens to be brilliant. I think Bridge's character is meant to make off-beat girls, like me, feel like there is hope and that we really don't need to be perfect to have someone love us madly. Mark (Bridge's luv interest) was totally sweet and just.....oh i dunno, i just loved the way he loved Bridge. She was so off and slightly fat and had her really really dumb moments but she was adorable. I want to be myself like she is in the movie. That is........aside from the whole it-was-actually-Renee-Zellwigger-playing-a-role thing. But anyway, i want a guy to love me for me and not mind my imperfections (cuz we all know i have a lot of those) and just be mad about the wierd, quirky, kinda-on-the-bony-side, pimply-faced at times, funky-ok-kinda-scary hair, skinny-scarred legs, no-tits, off-white teeth, moody, indecisive, horribly shy-at-times, silly-childish, dreamy fatasizy, gross ear-thing, wierd toed, weave-wearing, self degrading, judgemental, smiley faced, annoyingly pestering control freak that is the wonderful, lovable ME. I want to feel comfortable and to know that my guy loves me, not wonder all the blasted time.

But anyway, i digress. Fab movie, i would go watch it again i think.

My friend Clark is forever telling me to stop putting myself down. But honestly, that's not completely what i think of myself. I do have some fab qualities really. I am affectionate (at times), a great listener.............mostly, when i love i love with everything i have. Almost everything, i am a virgin after all. Right, there's another one, i am chaste. I am playful, i joke a lot and have a witty disposition. My eyes are pretty in the right light and my tum is flat. Slightly hairy, i'll admit, but not visibly. My style is.....very me. Friends and family are totally important to me and i try to cherish them plus i can cook, i am mostly humble......i am. Really. I don't smoke or drink (much) and i am totally nice. WHen i am not annoyed. Right.

Ok, i obviously have nothing to write about tonight so i'll stop there. Gorgeous.