Mind Games

I have one week left before i fly out. I am anxious. This is my last weekend and instead of spending it here at school i am going home to shop and do last minute stuff before i leave. Aunty M is taking me to Jacksonville to do some serious shopping. That should be fun. And stressful.

He's playing mind games with me. Bigg. OK, i got back to skwa on Sunday. I spent most of the night with Miguel working on the paper. Not really, but theoretically. Anyway, i was preoccupied. And Monday and Tuesday i was preoccuppied too. I stayed that way. I stayed in my room and took all the routes around campus that would ensure i wouldn't bump into him. Bigg. So Wednesday rolls around and i am minding my own business. I walk behind the building he works in. Next thing i know when i turn the corner, he comes out of the side door calling my name. Bigg. I stopped and took off my headphones thinking he wanted something. He didn't. He just wanted to chat. Asked why i hadn't called him. Small talk. He was meant to be working but he came out to chat. What is that? So we small chat and stuff, nothing important though he asked when i was leaving and made some silly comment about me catching my flight in (insert city name) just so i'd be close to him. He didn't say that but he did mention my catching the flight there so i just assumed that's what he was alluding to. Right. So i said i didn't think so. He was only kidding.

I had been carrying my discman and notebook in my hand and set them down on the ledge when he came out. He moved my discman and looked at my open notebook and read out the first line of a poem i wrote about him playing games with me. I coud have died. I grabbed it and told him my poetry was private. He found that amusing. That was the end of that conversation. So out of the blue. I hated that he did that. Why would he do that? I have finally resolved to not concern myself with him and he pulls this after i go half the week with no problems. And then, as per usual, it goes back to what it was. I see him Thursday and we are back to being distant aquaintances. Mind games. I am trying to move on with life again. This repetativeness is so not cute. Thank God i am leaving in a couple of hours. I 'll have the weekend to be away and unavailable. And then next week i am off. I just wish i could shut off my thoughts of him. I have a feeling i will carry them with to Iran and spend four miserable weeks wondering why he doesn't want me and why i can't be what he's looking for. I am sad, i realise this. But what can a girl do right? But i am working on it, i will overcome this one too. I have to, else i go mad.

I think i am misexpressing myself here. Bigg is not the one i am mad at. I am mad at me. I read into this thing all wrong and got tangled in my own mess. He is just a nice guy who thought it might be cool to get to know that quiet girl that doesn't speak much to people. And that was that. And i took it the wrong way. Ah well. Don't you love when life does that to you?

I got a class right now. He's right downstairs i think. Damn.