Smiley face

I got my I.D. finally. I am relieved cuz I have been meaning to for the longest and finally got it. And my cuzin Pippa just got her license, I am happy for her. She is ecstatic really. I want to get mine now too. I don't like driving, well I can't say that yet because I dunno how and I have been excited about it but just lazy to go through with it. But I dunno, I just need to learn and get it already. I'm about to be 21 in a minute so I needs to get it.

Today was a good day....well it's only half over but anyway it's been good so far. I am not too worried about the Bigg thing anymore, stupid as it was. I can honestly be a daft cow sometimes. But I have been preoccupied with other things that I haven't dwelt on the negative. I have had happy thoughts about him and I am still reeling from the hug he gave me. I really really really like him. Just in case I hadn't established that bit.

I have to prep for a day of cooking and all that jazz. I am anxious about shopping, you just don't understand. I need shoes and shoes galore!! And clothes. But my main focus has to be my family. I still need to assemble gifts for them. But I can't forget the smellies, I need new smellies. I love smellies. That's spritzes and perfumes and oils and all that jazz that makes me smell like sugar and spice and everything nice. And some sexy night things. Don't get excited, it's just in case Bigg happens to wander up to my floor and "accidentally" catches me coming out of the shower. Oh, I'm kidding! But I still want them night thangs. I need to get my hair done. I think this time I'll go sexy waves up to the shoulder. Looks great when full and wet. And I need to fix my outer me. I need to achieve sexy somehow. I figure if I get my locks done, make sure my skin looks beautiful and my style is sophisticated steamy, then maybe Bigg will be forced to.......ok ok let me stop right there. It wouldn't be for Bigg. Not wholly. It needs to be for me. I want to feel sexy. But at the same time I want Bigg. And I hate anxiety and self-consciousness. I want to be confident enough to know that the reason we don't work out, God forbid, is all on him. I don't want him to have to consider me. I want to be a given. I want him to want me.

I understand the outside isn't everything and usually doesn't fill any sort of void in a person, I get that. But I don't want that to be an excuse to let myself go. A girl needs to feel pretty and I wanna feel damn sexy. I imagine it's a great feeling. But imagination is overrated. Reality is what it all boils down to.

So we can safely say today I am positive and determined. Let's hope I don't trip over some foolishness. I am on a mission and I am gonna get what I want. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Well....... not any means, but most. Smooches!