Confession

He is ignoring me. He is not responding in the least and I am impatient. I want to know what he is thinking but I have come to a decision.

I just need to get things off my chest. That is all I want from him. I know he already knows this but I want to tell him that I lied when I said I didn't have feelings for him. I do. I lied when I said I was ok. I was not. I lied every time I acted like I was ok with him not feeling anything for me but friendship. I wasn't. Yes I have thought about him as more than a friend. I was weak and gave in to the fantasy of me and him. I know we could not work. I know it's isane for me to think we might have had a chance. I know.

I tried with everything I have to make the feelings go away and I failed. Yes I do get jealous and yes I do get lonely. And more importantly, yes I know he does not feel the same way. He never did and he never will.

I just want us to finally have it said, out in the open. No more hiding the truth we are both so aware of because the silence is deafening.

This could be the end and I just want it to end in honesty. I fell for a friend and I pushed him away because the rejection freaked me out.

Am I wrong for wanting him to know? Am I beating this thing too hard? Why can't I just let go and move on? I know I can get past this but I want things out in the open. I just wonder if it will do any good.