I have decided i need to balance out my thoughts to maintain a healthy mind. Negative, discouraging thoughts must be countered by happy, encouraging ones. My happy thought of the day? I had a dream. About my significant other. I am not terribly sure who he is yet, but i know i love him already. I know that he likes to watch me sleep when he knows i am about to wake up, simply because he knows i hate it when he does that. I know he not only makes me laugh but thinks i am hilarious and the only one who can cheer him up when he's in a funky mood. I know that he loves to squeeze me and tell me how i need to gain weight but secretly doesn't really care. I know i love to rub his back and kiss his neck. I know he gets me. Intellectually he gets me, even when i don't get me.

I know he gets on my last blinking nerve to the point where i hate him more than i could hate anyone else but that that is only because i love him more than i love anyone else and the two extreme emotions go hand in hand and neutralise each other so to speak. I know my mood swings irritate him to no end even though he lies to me and tells me nothing i do could annoy him.

I dreamt that he was here with me. While all this bad stuff was falling all around me and i felt trapped in it all. He came and his broad chest was my refuge. His strong arms fenced me in my sanity. He came and took me away with him. Told me i was beautiful and strong and would get through this. With his help. Listened to how i ' didn't want to talk about it' for about two hours. Let me rub his back for my own gratification. Kissed every inch of me and filled me with his love. All. Night. Long. Until he 'loved' all the pain away and filled me with himself. Mind, body and soul. And i forgot all about the hole in me. I forgot the stress and my migraines disappeared. He made the sun shine in my heart.

Perhaps i am idealistic. But it sure beats being cynical about life. I believe in love. It can complete you and it can break you. But i am not afraid of it anymore. In fact i dare it. I dare you to come knocking at my door. It's already slightly cracked.