Deeply

Peanut is coming down tomorrow night. To see me for one night. Is that what it all boils down to? I have been wondering to myself how much i am really worth to humanity. Am i really worth that much? I miss mom. Dad. Even sherona and french fry. Truth is, they are the only ones i am secure in the knowledge that they truly love me. I am aching for that. The people i feel loved by are halfway around the world and i feel naked and scared.

Am i that vain or self absorbed that i have such thoughts? Victim's complex? Of coarse i do. Depressed? I dunno why. Alone? Perhaps. What is it going to take to fix me? I hate being the way that i am but i am this way. If i can't even like me........ is anyone going to ever be able to love me? Truly, deeply and madly? Why am i so preoccupied with love and not being alone? Could it be that i am afraid to be alone with me?