Anguilla

I want to go. To Anguilla. I am going to go i think. We all know me and my restlessness, i will end up going in the next year i think. I just need to save some cash. Bigg said we're taking a trip together. I get to pick where and make all the arrangements. Isn't funny how guys can play off laziness by making girls think they have the control and know-how to plan something? He makes it seem like such a big privelege for me to plan our trip. He just doesn't want to be bothered with minor details. But, as can be expected from the female, i don't mind. Besides, i'm sure i would not have as much fun if we went somewhere silly. Anyway, we are seriously planning a trip. As friends. And Anguilla is where i want to go. It is one of the sexiest islands ever. I have wanted to go for years now. Plus i think Bigg really wants to go to Jamaica, and i don't so much. Anguilla is a nice compromise i think. Hmmn.

Preparations are underway for the move to Dallas. We've started clearing out trash and getting ready to pack. We have less than a month before we move. I have yet to contact Frier and tell her about not being able to be Editor-in-Cheif this fall. She's in New York right now. I'm sure it'll work out though. She's got Lee to be Editor. What sucks about the timing was that i had three jobs waiting for me at SGC in the fall. I was known....enough and it isn't the most imposing campus-life out there. Now i am going to a huge metropolis with thousands of other students and dorm-mates, possibly a roommate (God-forbid), and i have to start over again. But on the upside that is a welcome challenge. Life was getting a tad mundane and being blase about everything everyday was getting a little old i think.

The time is coming for me and Peanut to actually have a discussion about us. I strongly doubt we will however. That's pathetic. We will say our goodbyes, make empty promises to call each other, honor them for about a month and never actually have said anything meaningful at all. I have been trying to find a logical reason why it's lasted so long. It isn't like he can not get girls. I'm sure he does on the regular. But why string me along for so long? It isn't like i was putting out. Why is he such a coward to just end it with me? And why haven't i? I suppose i have been holding out for him to wake up one morning and find out that he can not possibly go through life without me. Oh, as if you didn't know i was delusional! We both knew i was. But he hasn't. Can't say that was the shock of the millenium. I suppose i am also afraid i am reading it wrong. He's pretty hard to read. Or perhaps he isn't meant to be read. But i fear that if i come out and ask him and have a discussion about a proverbial and perhaps illusionary "us," he'll take off screaming into the hills. That is apparently what guys do. Punks. The fear is that i will have sabotaged something that would have eventually progressed on it's own. No. No that's not true. That is an excuse i think. Why do girls do that all the time? Punks.

I am debating in my head whether i should go ahead and do it before he does. It has to be inevitable right? He can't possibly think it'll just fizzle out and disappear can he? My goodness men are slow. Bastards.