Dashed yet again

So the almost-excitement over the new guy has turned to crap. Lol. I really was not into him even after spending an hour on the phone with him but still I was mildly put out when he didn't return an email I shot him out of courtesy. I understand busy. Busy runs through my veins. But I am only mildly disappointed. Thats not good is it? Hmmn.

So why is it when I am all gung-ho about moving on, making a fresh start and getting my act together, FB decides he wants to be sweet again? I know its a sick little dance between us. He feels me slipping away and oh-no-we-can't-have-that. So he does something nice.

Por ejemplo this Saturday. I was at work all day and I was just generally off his scent as I had had the distraction of the new kid on the phone the night before. So I was ready to get on and suck it in and cut off. I have tried slow cut off. Didn't work. Tried blunt cut off. Didn't work. He has some strong voodoo.

So anyway back to Saturday. I was at work and generally irritated with him. he wanted to hang out and I was really teetering on calling him and saying I had changed my mind and did not feel up to it. Why I didn't, I dunno. Mixed emotions. Damn.

So he came over with two movies and a bottle of wine. After half a glass I was so sleepy and goofy. I was sleeping halfway throught the movie and he thought it was funny. I acted a little more "gone" than I was. So He was babying me. He called me baby twice (purely habit I'm sure) and he held me all night and he kissed me. Nothing else happened and it was nice for nothing else to have happened.

I felt really good the next morning. Wanted him to stay all day but he was only there till midday. Ok. It was sweet and nice and innocent. And felt so....I dunno.

But it was off. I mean, now that I have not been with him (alone that is) for a few days, I am going back down. The crash after the high right?

And I try to cut him off and whenever I get the motivation and the drive, he dashes it with one fell swoop. Lol.

I need to get out of this city. I am going bananas. I am truly going bananas.

Ugh.