That is a line from the Wikipedia entry on The Phantom of the Opera. I have Beyonce's version of "Learn to Be Lonely" on my grooveshark playlist because the title seemed interesting to me and I had never really heard it before. Then I realized I had never really looked into The Phantom of the Opera before. Shocking, I know but I always heard bits and pieces but was never really inclined enough to delve into it. I think I read an adaptation ages ago in primary school but it never had much of an impact then. But for an unknown reason I always found the title hauntingly intriguing. Anyway that song made me curious and then that line intrigued me also.
I seem to like things I relate to or imagine I relate to. I hate to think of myself as being the lyrical "child of the wilderness" that has to learn to be lonely. I hate that I am being drawn to things that speak of loneliness and neglect. I am currently enamored with the lyrics of Little Susie by Michael Jackson. I was always haunted by that song but recently it has been striking cords left and right. Especially the line that reads "Neglect can kill like a knife in your soul...." The lyrics are rather tragically beautiful and so was the song Learn to Be Lonely. But they shouldn't be striking cords in me. I don't want to relate to them.
Why am I drawn to these negative things? I always have been drawn to such and I am wondering if it is something inherent in me that seems to gravitate towards solitude and loneliness. A part of me is very comfortable with being alone and having my own space. And another part of me hates it. Unfortunately those two sides are warring in the same mind, spirit and body. It is a very frustrating existence I dare say, lol.
Has my inclination to loneliness stunted my emotional growth maybe? Is it stopping me from realizing my full potential in all aspects of life? I seem to think so a little. Am I my own biggest stumbling block or barrier from success and fulfillment? Perhaps. The realization is a tad disheartening.
So am I sabotaging my own quest for happiness with this sick subconscious quest for solitude? This is so strange. I am trying to move forward but I can almost physically feel I am still being held back. Is it at my own hand? How annoying is that.
And I always wonder if it is possible to be blind to potential boyfriends because I have been so caught up in this FB thing that I know will never go anywhere. I just figured no one has caught my eye and that may still be true but I am beginning to think I may have just had my eyes closed all this time. I am ready to move on from this point. I just hope my patience doesn't wear thin.
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