He Lied

It shouldn't matter because it was a while ago and I know the situation right now between us but a long time ago I asked him. He said nothing was going on. Nothing. He said over and over and would even get mad at me when I brought it up as if it were my fault, my obsession. But all the while he knew.

And as I found out he had been lying to my face, my whole body went hot and cold at the same time. I felt lightheaded and dizzy and I felt betrayed. He claims we are close. Best friends. I wish he didn't because we are not. We are no better than just friends and I wish he would just act that way and not hurt me like he does. Over and over and over again. How could I have been so stupid. I am sick and I can't even get away from it this weekend. I feel sick to my heart. I got let down and betrayed again. And I was used and am being used right now. That's what I get I suppose.

I hurt. I hurt so much and I feel so terribly alone. And I had already been grieving hard the past two weeks and now this. He lied. After everything. He still lied and continues to lie. And I know I should have gotten out a long long time ago. Despite the friendship. Because really, what more am I than a distraction and an affirmation of some sort. I am no friend. I am simply a pawn. And honey, you best believe you were played like a chess game.