Sublime

So I go back and forth and the drama is unbearable and I just lose my mind every week over him.

He came over this weekend and spent Saturday and Sunday with me. He took me to the Olive Garden and we went to see a movie and we cuddled and all that jazz. And my favourite thing? The kisses. Noting raunchy. Well, some were but the ones I loved were when he held me close and kissed my hair or kissed my forehead or little kisses on my lips. I loved being with him. I called him baby and so did he. He told e he missed me and I told him i Missed him too. He stayed with me until eleven Sunday night. He had an hour drive but he stayed. It was lovely. I just wish it were like that all the time you know? I wish I didn't have to live in fear of the next time he pushes me away and I fall to pieces because I know I won't leave. I want him in every way that hurts.

At one point he called me is treasure. I dunno if he was just kidding or being funny but it stuck. You're my treasure, he said. Let's just pretend it was real and he meant it and I really am his treasure.

I still pray for him. If I can get him to see God and love God, then I think we may have a chance. Without God I am stuffed. I need God to work in his life and sort out their relationship first. Then I can see our relationship more clearly.

Please God, work on his heart. Let him open it to you. And then please let him open it to me too. Please?