Caged Bird

I have an interview for a secretarial position tomorrow. I should be picking out my outfit and removing this horrific nail polish this lady charged me obscene amounts of money for. I went in for a manicure. What crap. Waste of bloody money. She did a "French" tip thing that looks like something I did myself. IN fact I could have done waaaaay better. Ugh.

Anyway I digress. So I have this interview and I hope I get it.

I feel really tapped in my life right now. I am trying to get rid of him. Its been a joke, this whole get rid of him thing but I am serious. I am getting over it. I want out. I want out right now and the prayer and wishing and hoping doesn't mean anything if I can't just do it. I almost did the other day but I relented and sounded retarded. I asked him at some point during my sorry attempt if losing me would be so bad. He said yeah.

I'm not going to call him a liar but whether it would or would not dies not matter and no longer my concern. He'll get over it and it is not like he's alone. Open-relationship girlfriend is still his best friend. Redhead is his new friend. so i am backing out. it might be a chicken thing to do but i dunno.

I'm switching off my phone i think. For a few days. He gets mad when I do that but i need space. I don't need to talk to anyone i just need space in my cage.

I should be more grateful for what i have. Forgive me Lord. I'm sorry for my lack of faith and my ungrateful spirit.

Something needs to give though. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.