Going bonkers. Again.

I can't (won't) shake him. I just can't (won't).

I mean, I have to see him at work EVERY BLINKING DAY (excuse) and he texts me all the time (slight embellishment) and I still kinda like him (gross understatement) despite (because of) myself.

I am completely scribbled here kids. I am really scribbled.

HE DOES NOT WANT YOU. AT ALL.

That is what I know (really hope not to be) to be true and try (lie) to tell myself everyday. There is no doubt in my mind(lie) that it is true.

Ugh. I was really expecting to have moved on and been having a fabulous time getting over him and blogging about my fun, exciting new life with some fantastic new bloke or something.

Where in hell are all the fantastic blokes and why are they avoiding me like the black death?

Perhaps it is because you're acting like a complete nutter. I mean, I am answering my own questions for God's sake.

I have been trying this 'friend' thing with him(which means I am there when he needs me to be expecting nothing. What the hell am I? A Stepford bloody reject?). He avoids being alone with me anymore(coming to my place or taking me to his). Understandably(confusingly). We do not hang out anymore(much) and he is fine. But I am not.

It's not so much him anymore (lies) I don't think. It's me not having a life. My life, to be perfectly honest with you kids, blows. It blows it bigtime. I have no life. I have no fun. I sit at home watching the telly or doing my bloody laundry. I have nothing to do (except take up the invites I get from my cuzin to go clubbing with him and his gross buddies) and hang out with my cousins. I am sad aren't I.

I am unemployed. After five months I have no job (no real job, just part time) and that is complete bollucks and I need to have a fire lit under my ass. I am stagnant. And I hate writing about it because it just makes it that much more pathetic.

I'm not even receptive to sympathy anymore. I do not respond to judging or scolding or guilt tripping. I am just....well, thats just it. I'm just. Just here. Just floating through life like a ghost.

Ok. Enough of this feeling sorry for myself bizness. It could be a LOT worse off for me. It really could. I have been blessed more than my lazy bum deserves. I have a flat and a job to pay for said flat. I am not dependent on anyone. I have my health (aside from this dodgy front tooth that has me a bit worried). Life could be a lot more tragic to be honest.

Being in school was like a comfort blanket I think. I was still a kid by all accounts. And though I am still whining like a kid, I can not afford to live like one anymore. Complaining is rather useless. And I have had about enough of being useless. It's not the end of the world. I'm just in a rough spot. But I will bounce back. Life will be exciting again. You'll see. I will be fabulous again.

Once I get my hair done, it is sooooo dodgy I'm even afraid of it now.

Oh dear, lol. I do sound like a nutter.

Gotta run, laundry is done and another movie is about start on the telly.

Oh. My. God.