Again and again.

That girl he had a quick fling with was so much prettier than me. I worked with her for a while and always thought she was incredibly beautiful. And she still is. She had a quick fling with him. He says he didn't sleep with her but I really don't believe him at all. He said they just made out and once when she had been drinking things got out of hand and she ended up naked but that was it. He said she did not have a good body like me. I think he was lying the whole time. She quit and got another job. She also stopped seeing him and moved on with her life.

She was prettier than I am and she had the good sense to leave him alone. And so he moved on to me. When she was around I used to see them leave his office together. He used to go to drinks with her and probably texted her like crazy. And then when she wised up he moved on to me and now the scene was me and him walking out of his office for drinks and hanging out together.

And then I went a little withdrawn and he thought I was leaving him alone. So did I but he was wrong. And he got a replacement for me before he realized I was smitten. And so he was stuck. He had had sex with me but now he leaves his office with her and calls me when he's free.

And I'm the idiot who still has hope. What I'm hoping for i don't know. It destructive and I need him out of my life. I have been saying this for months and he has learned how to play on my stupidity. I am being rather daft. And I have no energy to save myself. So. I am hoping. I am beggin for this to stop without me doing anything because in my own strength i am never going to be free. So I really need him gone. I really need strength.