Ok, so things are getting a little more complicated again. I don't know how to feel about him. I want to be easy and just let life happen, but i am so control freakish that i can't do that. I have to be certain. Certain of what you ask? I'm not sure, i think certain that i made the right choice you know?
Okay. Let us reason together shall we? I know, we'll make a list. Pros and Cons. Right.
Cons:
1. The "wisdom" weed.
2. Not currently employed.
3. Short.
4. Hangs out with my cousins and doesn't seem to get much done daily.
5. Thinks i am sexy.
6.Wants to get married eventually. To me. And tells me this.
7. Seems to have somewhat of a rose coloured image of me.
8. Seems a tad too idealistic.
9. Ambiguous spiritual walk.
10. Doesn't have his own place yet. Lives with Aunt.
11. May have a bit of a temper. Or was that just road rage?
12. May be a little jealous.
13. Didn't insist on it and let it happen anyway. (That one will remain cryptic. I'll let you decide what you want that to mean)
Pros:
1. Has dimples.
2. Comes from respectable family.
3. Has a college degree.
4. Thinks i am sexy.
5. Seems sincere in desire to committ.
6. Is ambitious, even if too much at times.
7. Is very patient with me.
8. Knows that God is real and seems to be on some kind of spiritual walk.
9. Closely linked with my family, well part of it anyway.
10. Indulges my crazy ways and silly behavior.
11. Likes to look at me even when my hair looks gross and my make up has faded.
12. Seemingly has a lot of interests in common with me.
13. Has a sexy voice, if at times i don't get his slang.
Hmmn. Oh dear. It seems we find ourselves in a bit of a quandary. I just don't know. But i am giving him a chance because being alone is so depressing and there really is no reason to be when someone is interested in being with you and you enjoy hanging out with them and are attracted to them right? Or is that settling and being desperate?
I am growing to like him more and more each time i spend time with him. I find myself not wanting to leave when it is time to say goodbye and thinking about him when i'm not with him. Why though? Because he's conveniently here? I have no other real options right now? Or is it a real connection, a spiritual familiarity where my spirit recognizes his as being the other half?
I don't know. Are you meant to know that right away? Is it like spontaneous combustion or more like lighting the wick on a stick of dynamite?
I got close to him. You know what i mean. The same way i got 'close' to B. That is what scares me most. I do not want that contradiction. I do not want that stress. Because it is stressful you know. He knew i am funny about it, but still got caught up with me. Just like i got caught up in it all.
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
That has such a deeper meaning than just sex you know. It is my anthem it seems. Oh dear.
1 comment:
he seems okay based on the list you provided...
true cons would be...
liar
cheater
random children hither and yon
drunkard
drug addict
strip club addict
those kinds of things, i'd suggest you never deal with...they are damaging...
if he is anywhere near as young as you are, then i wouldn't expect him to be established per se. though he should be making steps to get a job and a car if he doesn't have one...why would he live elsewhere if he doesn't have one or the either. also, living with his aunt is a good thing...would kind of slow things up a tad...and you automatically meet the folks.
i think that you are looking for marriage...and maybe...just maybe...right now, you don't even consider the possibility unless you are only willing to date men that you feel will marry you on the flipside of one year AND are in a position to back their "i wanna marry you" statements up with a ring because they are established. Just date the guy and try not to fall in love too deep. Take a weekend away here and there to break away from the wifey syndrome.
I'm begging you as a scarred, baggage carrying sister to a fairly unscathed and free sister to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!!!! listen to a man when he says he wants to marry you. NEVER!!!!
Hear it...but don't place ANY stock in it unless he is down on one knee with a ring in his hand. It might not be "game"..but i've met far too many guys willing to pull out the committment card and flip that bitch in the fire when they are ready for whatever else they run to after me.
If he is willing to be committed to you, then fine. Let him be committed...just smile when he says that stuff about marriage..don't let it blow your head up. That is one thing you do have control over...I really don't think he is a bad guy at all.
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