Sunday, October 29
I take it back. He's not gay.
I just facebooked him. He's not. And he doesn't have a girlfriend mentioned or featured in any pics. Damn.
Cute Guy
I just worked up the nerve to interview a guy in the FA library for a story I am doing tomorrow. I thought he was very cute from a distance and when i got up close, i realized he was very cute. But i dunno, I have a feeling he's gay. Well my first feeling was, he has a chick. Then it was he's gay. And if neither of those pan out, then i am convinced i am not on his dating radar at all. But i chatted him up for a bit. Cute guy.
Too bad really. And I don't usually go for light skinned guys. I dunno why when i hate people who aviod dark skinned black people. Hypocrite, I am working to fix that. But i don't usually go for light black dudes. He's cute though. Okay, enough.
I feel sooo much better than i did last time i wrote here. I will go into that more when i have time. I have three stories due tomorrow. Better get on that.
Fun Times.
Too bad really. And I don't usually go for light skinned guys. I dunno why when i hate people who aviod dark skinned black people. Hypocrite, I am working to fix that. But i don't usually go for light black dudes. He's cute though. Okay, enough.
I feel sooo much better than i did last time i wrote here. I will go into that more when i have time. I have three stories due tomorrow. Better get on that.
Fun Times.
Wednesday, October 25
He's right you know
I have never felt so shattered as I do now. I have realized that my life is worthless right now. I am worhtless. Because I have lost God. I see now how truly hopeless I have been. My life has felt empty for so long and it's because I let go of His hand. And all I can do right now is cry.
Clark's response
Sha the only decent email you've written to me off late (at least in
terms of quantity) and all you are doing is fronting!!! Aaahh, S,
you don't seem to get me at all. Gosh, I was just telling you what I'd
have told anyone else. I have no idea where your relationship with God
is right now, I mean how can I, you've been living away from my life
of late. If there is anyone I think you're moving away from it's me,
not God.
You should understand that I'm human just like you and a lot of the
things I say, I suffer from as well. There's nothing I was trying to
point out about you, it was all just basic advice/suggestions based on
what I'm going through, take it as such and read through the email
then you will realise that it wasn't as personal as you might have
thought. I was just responding to a close friend who's barely hollas
so much that I don't even know where they are in life. Sha how can you
even call that a lecture, you must not know me anymore. And please
don't dishonour God by calling me a priest, I'm far from it.
To respond to what you said in your mail, I think we use the excuse
that we are human to cover up a lot of human. Let me make it clear
firstly that just coz I'm saying this doesn't mean I've got it in
check in my life. But the truth is the truth and even I a sinner can
say it as it is. Oh S, I know you don't like being told much, but
then again if I'd bothered to listen to every utterance that comes
from your mouth then you and I would probably have never been friends.
If I was to judge then I'd be telling things like, S you are such a
mean and horrible person, but I know your potential, that's why back
at school when everyone would be so pissed with you I'd just be
laughing at them.
You know I have so much love for you and I'm always real with you. So
please let me tell it like it is for a moment. Most of us Christians
run our lives the wrong way round, we use our brains and intellect a
too often than required that's why a lot of the things you said in
your email sounds correct but it's wrong. Just coz something makes
sense doesn't make it right. We should be Spirit led, only God knows
how we should react in every position. He knows when we should shout
and when we should speak slowly. If someone loses their virginity like
you said and they come to you, you can use psychology and be all nice
but how do you even know that will work, you don't. Only God does.
Maybe He wants you to scream at that person and kick them out so that
they will learn and be saved, we can only know this by being Spirit
led. Don't forget the existence of demons, only God can reveal to us
the secrets of their realm. We are not taking the Scriptures head on
S because most people don't like what they are saying. I think it's
important I stress I'm with you on the whole Extremist topic but my
point was if you follow the word of God properly then the multitudes
will call you an extremist.
Here is the truth S, neither you or I are saved yet. Yes we've been
called and we know the scriptures but we haven't answered yet, we
haven't allowed for it, have we? Can you honestly tell me that you
have the Holy Spirit within you?? Once we are saved and we cross over
to other side we cease to become human, we stop answering to the calls
of our flesh, yes no more sinning. I know you S and you know me,
we are good people with better morals than most but if the world ends
today we will go to hell with the rest of the world because we don't
have the seal of the Spirit.
Please realise that this isn't a personal attack on you, it's just how
I see things in my life and also yours. I want to change mine and you
are one of the few friends I have that are on the same level as far as
respect for the Almighty's concerned. I don't want to do this alone
and I was hoping you'd join me.
You know a part of your email had offended me then I realised it was
probably the devil trying to destroy one of the few pure relationships
I have. I won't let it happen and neither should you. I will always
tell you the truth as I see it and I don't mind being corrected where
I'm wrong as long as it's all done in the spirit of love.
In my eyes you really brought yourself down. I'd always looked at you
as someone who'd held their own and had remained pure for so long and
I didn't want you to fall down like the rest of us had. I didn't want
you to slip coz you had the potential to make it to the wedding day
without being tainted by any man. I guess I kinda expected too much
from you but you must understand that those expectations weren't
baseless, there's something I saw in you. But I can't judge you
without judging myself first coz whatever you've done I've probably
done as much or even more. I was just hoping you'd do better than me
that's all. My only prayer is that you may realise who you really are
get on that road to Heaven. I'm also trying to do the same thing but
it's so hard sha.
You are one of my most favourite people in the world. Even ask my girl.
I hope all is well with you. God Bless.
terms of quantity) and all you are doing is fronting!!! Aaahh, S,
you don't seem to get me at all. Gosh, I was just telling you what I'd
have told anyone else. I have no idea where your relationship with God
is right now, I mean how can I, you've been living away from my life
of late. If there is anyone I think you're moving away from it's me,
not God.
You should understand that I'm human just like you and a lot of the
things I say, I suffer from as well. There's nothing I was trying to
point out about you, it was all just basic advice/suggestions based on
what I'm going through, take it as such and read through the email
then you will realise that it wasn't as personal as you might have
thought. I was just responding to a close friend who's barely hollas
so much that I don't even know where they are in life. Sha how can you
even call that a lecture, you must not know me anymore. And please
don't dishonour God by calling me a priest, I'm far from it.
To respond to what you said in your mail, I think we use the excuse
that we are human to cover up a lot of human. Let me make it clear
firstly that just coz I'm saying this doesn't mean I've got it in
check in my life. But the truth is the truth and even I a sinner can
say it as it is. Oh S, I know you don't like being told much, but
then again if I'd bothered to listen to every utterance that comes
from your mouth then you and I would probably have never been friends.
If I was to judge then I'd be telling things like, S you are such a
mean and horrible person, but I know your potential, that's why back
at school when everyone would be so pissed with you I'd just be
laughing at them.
You know I have so much love for you and I'm always real with you. So
please let me tell it like it is for a moment. Most of us Christians
run our lives the wrong way round, we use our brains and intellect a
too often than required that's why a lot of the things you said in
your email sounds correct but it's wrong. Just coz something makes
sense doesn't make it right. We should be Spirit led, only God knows
how we should react in every position. He knows when we should shout
and when we should speak slowly. If someone loses their virginity like
you said and they come to you, you can use psychology and be all nice
but how do you even know that will work, you don't. Only God does.
Maybe He wants you to scream at that person and kick them out so that
they will learn and be saved, we can only know this by being Spirit
led. Don't forget the existence of demons, only God can reveal to us
the secrets of their realm. We are not taking the Scriptures head on
S because most people don't like what they are saying. I think it's
important I stress I'm with you on the whole Extremist topic but my
point was if you follow the word of God properly then the multitudes
will call you an extremist.
Here is the truth S, neither you or I are saved yet. Yes we've been
called and we know the scriptures but we haven't answered yet, we
haven't allowed for it, have we? Can you honestly tell me that you
have the Holy Spirit within you?? Once we are saved and we cross over
to other side we cease to become human, we stop answering to the calls
of our flesh, yes no more sinning. I know you S and you know me,
we are good people with better morals than most but if the world ends
today we will go to hell with the rest of the world because we don't
have the seal of the Spirit.
Please realise that this isn't a personal attack on you, it's just how
I see things in my life and also yours. I want to change mine and you
are one of the few friends I have that are on the same level as far as
respect for the Almighty's concerned. I don't want to do this alone
and I was hoping you'd join me.
You know a part of your email had offended me then I realised it was
probably the devil trying to destroy one of the few pure relationships
I have. I won't let it happen and neither should you. I will always
tell you the truth as I see it and I don't mind being corrected where
I'm wrong as long as it's all done in the spirit of love.
In my eyes you really brought yourself down. I'd always looked at you
as someone who'd held their own and had remained pure for so long and
I didn't want you to fall down like the rest of us had. I didn't want
you to slip coz you had the potential to make it to the wedding day
without being tainted by any man. I guess I kinda expected too much
from you but you must understand that those expectations weren't
baseless, there's something I saw in you. But I can't judge you
without judging myself first coz whatever you've done I've probably
done as much or even more. I was just hoping you'd do better than me
that's all. My only prayer is that you may realise who you really are
get on that road to Heaven. I'm also trying to do the same thing but
it's so hard sha.
You are one of my most favourite people in the world. Even ask my girl.
I hope all is well with you. God Bless.
Tuesday, October 24
Thoughts of the Spirit
My friend Clark and I have been emailing back and forth and I have felt really bad after each email I got from him. He is always talking about God which I would love if I wasn't always feeling like the devil when he spoke to me. I used to be that way as a Chirstian and i wonder of living so long in America has made me so......lax. More than I used to be. I am still very much a Christian and a believer in Christ, but I am not as rigid. Perhaps the reality is I am losing touch with God and becoming more cavalier. Could it be that my fears of dilluting my spiritual walk once I came to the States and started living as relaxed and liberated as Americans do has come to pass? Is that really a bad thing? Does it mean I am further away from God than I once was or am I going through the fire that will purify me ultimately? Would I have benefited by staying home in my spiritual comfort zone or am I really losing touch?
This is the email reply i just sent him. I wonder if he'll be offended or hurt. I hope not.
When i say extremist, I do not mean truly living in the word Clark. I mean being so bogged down with the law, you fail to see the real essence of this belief, which is the salvation through Christ, not through following the law meticulously. I see extremists as people who think they know better than everyone else and even God at times, because they get tied down in the rules. My personal relationship with Christ is ever evolving and is based on a lot of mercy. I am not saying i totally chuck the law out the window, but if i break a rule, my life isn't over.
I am mature enough in my faith to know that I need to work on tapping daily into my spirit so that my spirit can converse with the spirit of God. If i am sitting around worried that "Oh gosh, I did this or i am not living perfectly and must get on that before I can even approach God" I will never truly benefit.
The law is there for our protection, not our blind devotion to it.
"Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" says the Lord. My spiritual nourishment is based on daily reflection of biblical precepts but i am not going to live rigidly. Otherwise there is no way I can ever hope to help those who don't know the Lord or actively choose not to know him.
The problem with most Christians, and i sincerely hope that the impression i get from you that you're headed that way is wrong, is that they get very righteous and feel the need to lecture everyone on how to be serious about God. Yes, people need to know God and stop their sinful ways, but just like teens and kids, lecturing and reprimanding will only drive them further away and further into rebellion. You have to have been a sinner yourself to be able to reach sinners. That is how God connected with us. He came down and went through everything we go through so he could truly say he understands. He lived perfectly and showed us the way, yes.
Christians must not forget that they too were once blind. Empathy is the best way to disarm someone. Instead of looking at sinners with disdain and self-righteous conceit and instead of being so worried about the future, focus on trying to expand the kingdom of God now, through the same patience and mercy he shows us everyday.
If a fifteen year old girl comes to you and says she lost her virginity last night, the last thing to do is condemn her or say how disappointed in her you are because you thought she was above that. She's human. She made a mistake. You were once there too. Realize that and tell her it's ok. You understand and God still cares so much for her. Don't beat her over the head with the bible and say she is not as spiritual as you thought she was or that she seems less devoted to God. Despite what she tells you, you will never ever know what is in her heart, be human first. Connect on a human level and then that will soften hearts and make spirits receptive to you to share God's voice with that person.
Being Christian means we are no longer tied to this earth but we are bound for greater things. However, we are still ON this earth and still human. Find the balance, no need for extremism. You can love God extremely and want to do his will extremely and live for him extremely without being an extremist. There is a difference. Too much of one thing is never good. I'm not saying too much of God is not good, I am saying focusing solely on one aspect of God, the law or living righteously, will deter you from the billions of other facets of who He really is.
I was not asking you to censor your emails Clark. You just seem very judgmental of me lately. I am not saying that because I feel guilty about my life. I don't. I know where I am with God and maybe I just share the problems with you and you think I have lost touch with Him completely and I haven't. It's hard for me to really talk to you about me because I am always afraid you are going to tell me how lazy, less spiritual and disappointing I am to you or how i am so busy I am not giving God his due time in my life.. I know that already, I am imperfect and I do slip a lot. I do not need confirmation on that and if it is all you can offer me, don't.
You know me to have always been someone who takes a lot of life seriously so if you were joking I missed that. If not, then spare me the criticism because that is what I am hearing on my end. I know we're friends and you're trying to help. I just need a human friend, not a priest.
I do care a lot about you, one of my closest friends and I hope you won't get mad and think I am pushing you away. I am just trying to let you know how I really feel, something I don't do often enough with anyone.
This is the email reply i just sent him. I wonder if he'll be offended or hurt. I hope not.
When i say extremist, I do not mean truly living in the word Clark. I mean being so bogged down with the law, you fail to see the real essence of this belief, which is the salvation through Christ, not through following the law meticulously. I see extremists as people who think they know better than everyone else and even God at times, because they get tied down in the rules. My personal relationship with Christ is ever evolving and is based on a lot of mercy. I am not saying i totally chuck the law out the window, but if i break a rule, my life isn't over.
I am mature enough in my faith to know that I need to work on tapping daily into my spirit so that my spirit can converse with the spirit of God. If i am sitting around worried that "Oh gosh, I did this or i am not living perfectly and must get on that before I can even approach God" I will never truly benefit.
The law is there for our protection, not our blind devotion to it.
"Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" says the Lord. My spiritual nourishment is based on daily reflection of biblical precepts but i am not going to live rigidly. Otherwise there is no way I can ever hope to help those who don't know the Lord or actively choose not to know him.
The problem with most Christians, and i sincerely hope that the impression i get from you that you're headed that way is wrong, is that they get very righteous and feel the need to lecture everyone on how to be serious about God. Yes, people need to know God and stop their sinful ways, but just like teens and kids, lecturing and reprimanding will only drive them further away and further into rebellion. You have to have been a sinner yourself to be able to reach sinners. That is how God connected with us. He came down and went through everything we go through so he could truly say he understands. He lived perfectly and showed us the way, yes.
Christians must not forget that they too were once blind. Empathy is the best way to disarm someone. Instead of looking at sinners with disdain and self-righteous conceit and instead of being so worried about the future, focus on trying to expand the kingdom of God now, through the same patience and mercy he shows us everyday.
If a fifteen year old girl comes to you and says she lost her virginity last night, the last thing to do is condemn her or say how disappointed in her you are because you thought she was above that. She's human. She made a mistake. You were once there too. Realize that and tell her it's ok. You understand and God still cares so much for her. Don't beat her over the head with the bible and say she is not as spiritual as you thought she was or that she seems less devoted to God. Despite what she tells you, you will never ever know what is in her heart, be human first. Connect on a human level and then that will soften hearts and make spirits receptive to you to share God's voice with that person.
Being Christian means we are no longer tied to this earth but we are bound for greater things. However, we are still ON this earth and still human. Find the balance, no need for extremism. You can love God extremely and want to do his will extremely and live for him extremely without being an extremist. There is a difference. Too much of one thing is never good. I'm not saying too much of God is not good, I am saying focusing solely on one aspect of God, the law or living righteously, will deter you from the billions of other facets of who He really is.
I was not asking you to censor your emails Clark. You just seem very judgmental of me lately. I am not saying that because I feel guilty about my life. I don't. I know where I am with God and maybe I just share the problems with you and you think I have lost touch with Him completely and I haven't. It's hard for me to really talk to you about me because I am always afraid you are going to tell me how lazy, less spiritual and disappointing I am to you or how i am so busy I am not giving God his due time in my life.. I know that already, I am imperfect and I do slip a lot. I do not need confirmation on that and if it is all you can offer me, don't.
You know me to have always been someone who takes a lot of life seriously so if you were joking I missed that. If not, then spare me the criticism because that is what I am hearing on my end. I know we're friends and you're trying to help. I just need a human friend, not a priest.
I do care a lot about you, one of my closest friends and I hope you won't get mad and think I am pushing you away. I am just trying to let you know how I really feel, something I don't do often enough with anyone.
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