And it sucks. Unrequited love and/or lust? Yep. I'm the queen bee. The big kahuna. The grand master. And it needs to bloddy well stop already.
So last post I spoke about Hercules as the Great White Hope? I dunno why I referred to him as that because the hope and chance is so slim and minute its nuts. You know what doesn't help a crush? Well, one, when your crush insists on always looking devastatingly sexy and knowing he does. And secondly, when other people who have no clue whatsoever that youi have said crush, tell you randomly that they see you with that person. Aaaaaargh!! My imagination has now been given free reign to go nuts and it has fully taken advantage of that. Dammit!
So I had dinner with some work mates last night. That in itself was a big thing because I NEVER get invited out when work mates hang out. I mean maybe occasionally but not terribly often. I constantly feel out of the loop with my work group, possibly because I am reserved when it comes to sharing about me. I am not about sharing intimate details about me and even with close friends, I am slow to warm and speak in code at times. Its my vice. But a few work mates I havent really hung with decided to invite me to drinks last night and I was a bit chuffed. Turned into an interesting gossipy bitchfest about others at work but I have to say the one coworker I was afraid might be a tad gossipy surprised me. She still is a bit but I warmed to her a lot. I have always thought she was really gorgeous and wanted to get to know her (those two are so unrelated but you know what I mean). Anyway we had drinks. And chatted about the drama that goes on at work. I REALLY am out of the loop cuz I learned a hell of a lot about people at work last night. But I digress.
So we get to a topic about work relationships and out of the blue Beautiful Co-Worker (admittedly my nicknaming skills have deteriorated significantly recently)says "You know, I see you with "Hercules"" and it took all I had to keep my face from exploding because I wanted to insanely yell "ME TOO!!!!!!!" and jump on top of the dinner table and do a happy dance not much unlike the Hammer Can't Touch This dance. But I composed myself and said "On what planet?" which in hindsight sounds like I was saying "I would never date him" when in reality I meant "Yeah right, like he would ever consider me." I suppose thats ok because I don't want people knowing that I want him. Badly. At least I don't need that gossip floating about and I don't need him recoiling at the thought. Now I am not atrocious looking. I am kinda cute but I don't know that I am his type. But God, if you are listening a shot with him would be amazing. Just a kiss. Or a quick snogfest. I would really really like that. Is it a sin to pray this way? If so, I'm sorry.
But yeah. like I said before. He can get it. All DAY he can get it. Nighttime too. And now I am dreaming about him. I keep having dreams about him and though I know its lustful and most of the content of those dreams are rated M for maturity, I am craving the attention of a man. That means having someont to fawn over. Someone to go to ball games with. Someone to teach me how to shoot a gun or drive a stick or bbq or something. Someone to have movie dates and dinner dates with. Someone to dress up for and get perfume for and fuss about my appearance for. And if it should happen to be this tall glas of Fuck Me Five Ways to Sunday, why the hell not?
So. I am still single. Still slightly ridiculous. And still lusting over this Herculean Adonis. Oh and yesterday at work was a departure day and a cute black guest came up to me to check out. And I "checked him out" in all ways I could. And then turned to my boss and asked him what our company poilicy on stalking attractive guests was. Now I am pretty sure my boss thinks I am psychotic. Meh. Whatever, most people do so no worries.
Damn. I just had a mini fantasy/daydream about Hercules. He is plaguing my thoughts. And will be the first person I see in the morning. At work that is. Although I could get used to him being the first person I see in the morning...not at work. Lol. I'm a huge mess.
Malaika out.
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