Promotion Not

I'll be the first to admit i have half assed this week at the paper. Editors got really really pissed off today at the meeting and i distinctly felt guilty for my part in it. Message recieved.

But what got to me was the fact several reporters got promoted to staff and i am still contributor. I know, i haven't written as many articles as they have and i have been pretty useless but that didn't stop the sinking feeling.

Again with the whole selfish-what-about-me thinking. Could this prove my theory that i am super self centered? I don't even care about promotion or even the paycheck. I barely even notice that i get paid at the paper. I just see it as something i have to do, not really a paid thing, hence my second job. It was just the principle that i didn't excel. I hate being mediocre, even when i deserve to be regarded as such because of my mediocre performance. It's hypocritical, i know. Don't try and find logic in this train of thought, just climb aboard and enjoy the sights.

I am disappointed that i haven't been working hard enough to get the notice of any one of my superiors. I complained and made excuses and half assed and i am pissed to hell. I want to quit but i do not want to give whatever being i am trying to prove myself to the satisfaction of proving me useless and incapable. I am depressed by all this. Every other reporter it seems it a staff writer.

Shite. It is all shite. I don't care. That's my stance now. I don't give a shite.