Passing craze

So i saw the most beautiful boy today.

It starts.

Ok, i saw him officially for the first time last semester, he was Mr. (insert university name here) and on our school website and i saw him in person at a play during Black History month. HOT. So hot. And involved. Hella involved. I was smitten, he is intelligent, beyond fathomable gorgeocity and right there. So close.

But something made me lose interest last semester and i forgot all about him.

Until i saw him a couple of weeks ago. He came into the store to talk to a classmate of mine who was buying something. I was at the till and i caught my breath when i saw and heard him. Sexy mother...

So i was like, ugh!! So cute but it wasn't that bad you know?

Then today. I was waiting to go to a city council meeting with student government and they were meeting outside Starbucks on campus. I had just gotten off work and i was still in uniform. I walked up to my classmate and she and i were talking about a test we'd had in Comm Law last week and who should emerge from behind her somewhere? You guessed it. Mr. Sexy himself. So me and this girl are talking and i am vaguely aware of my voice sounding more and more strained and my chest becoming tighter and i am horrified that i may just pass out when she stops talking and introduces us. OH. MY. GOSH.

Mr. Sexy shook my hand and i thought it would fall right off. He looked at me. In my horrible glasses and uniform and crazy hair. Crap!!

So i think something in the handshake did it again because i haven't stopped thinking of him all day. But i decided to facebook him and see if the reason i lost interest and forgot all about him was because he was already dating some other disgustingly gorgeous creature of perfection with cute work outfits, pretty hair and sexy glasses.

He is. Mr. Sexy is in a very serious relationship with Mrs. Sexy. It all come back to me when i saw his profile. Oh.

The funny thing is, i saw him last week and though i thought how cute he was, i wasn't phased and really forgot about him until today. But she just had to introduce us. Why the hell did she do that. And though i am over it, i can't help but feel a slight twinge of depression. Why couldn't he be my boyfriend?

I have since decided i am in no position for a boyfriend what with my taking more than a full class load, and working two jobs. Plus my head is not right, i am not mature enough to deal with a real relationship right now despite being 22 going on 23. But it saddened me to realize Mr. Sexy was spoken for. Mrs. Sexy is beautiful and just as involved and smart as he is. They are perfect for each other. And i can't help feeling jealous.

My coworker at the paper just started a new relationship with this gorgeous white guy she met in Latin class. She is super pretty and super focused and determined and 4 years younger than me. Four. When she was telling me all about her man, i put on my "i'm-so-excited-for-you-i-could-burst" face. But i was feeling hella jealous.

What is wrong with me? Why can't i be happy for others even if i don't have what they have? That is not very nice. Am i not a nice person? I know everyone is jealous at some point, but am i honestly that self centered? Wow.

I hate that this depressed me. So Mr. Sexy is not mine. Neither is Morris Chestnut. Big whoop.

Big whoop indeed.