Bigg News

OK. So it was the last week of school and i was off to Costa Rica the next day. Obviously i had t0
say goodbye to all my friends, but the one weighing heavily on my.....mind was Bigg. It was the last time i would probably see him again ever. That is so sad considering i haven´t actually gotten over him...ever. So i spent that last Thursday packing up my fifty thousand and one things and saying goodbye and stuff. I went over to his dorms and we sat in the lobby forever just chatting about nothing. It sucked because he had a final that morning and then that night so my time was very limited. PLus he had to pack and graduation was the next day and all. So we sat and talked, as we usually do about nothing important. We argued, as always. We flirted and i played coy. He looked so adorable to me, i really just felt like eating him up...not in any sinister or gross way.

He kept touching me, playfully. He would grab my leg or my knee or put me in a headlock (nothing says ´i dig you´like a broken neck yo) or grab my face. I was totally into it. Then it came time to say our final goodbyes. E was already crying about her man but i don´t seem able to do the whole tears thing, and besides, Bigg is not my man. We had been joined at some point by a bunch of people so we went outside to say goodbye. He was like ´come here´and took me outside where we hugged and hugged and then we hugged. Ya. I held onto him like......
He gave me his necklace. The one he´s been wearing forever, the one that helps me recognize him from a distance because it is one of his trademarks. The one he has had since the eighth grade. Ya. He said it was very special to him and giving it to me was showing how special a friend i was to him. I was touched. I really was. No tears, but i felt special. I had given him my favorite keychain ( i know right, great competition there Smooch) from Zim that i´ve had for a couple years now so that everytime he looks at it he thinks of me. We hugged more and i wanted to melt into him. He asked for a kiss on the cheek and i hesitated, as always but then i did. He kissed me back...on the cheek. I wanted to kiss him properly so badly it made my bones ache... but i didn´t. I just held myself back and walked away. And now it´s all over.

If you ask me to explain why i want him so badly, i can´t. I do not know what it is about the boy that i am drawn to so much. I am like a moth drawn to a flame when it comes to him. I know i´ll get my wings burned off and possibly die a horrible death....but i still am drawn to him. I have no reasonable excuse to like him. He´s annoying, obnoxious, egotistical, demanding, he gets offended far too easily, has the capacity to be a jealous boyfriend, is moving to Alabama and might be joining the army, never told me he liked me...... but he is still the one i want more than anyone else. I am not sure Bigg is attracted to me.....I know Peanut is. I know SG is. I know Peanut and SG want to try it out. I know Bigg does not. I think Peanut is funny as all get out, fwine as what-the-fuzz and i like kicking it with him. SG is looking for a psychiatrist girlfriend and i am too much of a depressant to help him out...plus i just don´t want to. But Bigg hardly even throws me a bone. Yet i am wearing his necklace, smelling it every fifteen minutes to remind me of what he smells like. It still smells of him and i wear it daily now. Granted it´s only been two days, but still. I smell it when i go to bed and when i wake up in the morning. I am sprung so deep for a man i will not have. That just might be anough to kick my tearducts into gear. If i cry over this situation, please shoot me. Someone needs to just tell Bigg i am crazy about him already. Do me a favour.

I am in Costa Rica right now, but i´ll write about that later...i´m tired all of a sudden.