I should be doing work right now but i figured a small little note to......well, no one actually reads this thing so, i guess a little note to nothingness and nobody, wouldn't hurt. I am having one of them days. I totally snapped at Bigg for no good reason. I have been in a funk all week and i dunno what has come over me but i am just being foul all over the show and i can't seem to stop. So i saw Bigg in the caf today. Ignored him and then when he spoke to me i completely bitched at him. Yeah, on these special days i am allowed to cuss a little. No i am not, i take it back. Sorry.
I called him while he was in class and apologized sincerely to his voicemail and told him to call me if he forgave me. He hasn't. i was such a jerk and i can not for the life of me tellu why. I did the same to Migsy yesterday, sort of. I just get these wierd waves of evil and i land in a funk and everything and everyone around me is just so irritating when in actuality i am the biggest irritation around.
On a lighter note Brent is cool. I love how he can make me laugh all the time. He just has this ability to make me laugh no matter what. I was messaging him while i was in bio class and he was on the bus on his way to NC for a few baseball games all weekend. He is so clever, which is what i like. And his humour is actually funny. I am still holding my breath for the catch. I have told everyone about him, as if we are actually dating or something. Hmmn. I think i may have counted my chickens before the eggs have hatched...or before....ah hell, i can't remember what the bloody saying is. I just dunno what to do with that one. The one thing i see being a snag is the whole sex thing. I do not want to lose my virginity to him but already i have gone further than i know i should. No, no nothing sinister, i am still....well.....me. But last time i spent the weekend with him, the only thing that kept me from crossing certain boundaries on the way to Orgasmoland was.....yes, well. We'll just assume we all know what i am talking about yeah? Anyway i doubt i will go too far in the next month and a half. I am off to Costa Rica this May, for the whole month and that is two weekends from now and i am not going to see him for a while. I wonder if he'll get bored with me and move on to the next. Who knows? Who cares? I do. Well, i care in any event. I am so lonely. Wow, that was the most pathetic statement of my life.
I have a "date" Saturday night. Shy Guy asked me out again and i said yes. Why not? I am not interested in him, but who knows? Maybe something might change. Besides, beggars have no right to be choosy. So we are going to see the new horror flick 'Amityville'. Fun. There's a lingirie party tomorrow night. E and P are going and J might too. I don't think i should. For one thing, Bigg will be there and i think i have permanently placed myself in his book of crazies-to-stay-the-hell-away-from. Plus, E will have her boy, P will have hers and J will too. I have nothing plus i am not like E, guys do not just feel convicted to move mountains to talk to me and i have nothing to wear. Can you see why i am so lonely? It's chronic and self-induced but i am trapped in it.
HELP ME SOMEONE. I NEED SO MUCH HELP.
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