I have been blessed tremendously in the last year. I have. But I can not help getting down about my life still. Yes I have a degree. But no real job prospects. Yes I have a job right now. But I don't know for how long.
I don't have a car and its hurting me so bad. Having to walk home every night and seeing everyone in their cars. Able to do what they please. And I feel like crying every single day as I wait for the bus or walk home in the cold by myself. Every time i have to ask someone for a ride it kills another part of my independent soul. Or what I wish was my independent soul. I am all alone out here. I don't know that going home would be any better but I am honestly, deeply and completely depressed. And I do not want to be. I am alone. I don't have a car. I feel alone and I am wondering what my existence is worth. right now nothing. I am doing no one any good by being alive. I am not suicidal despite how it sounds. But I am tired. I feel about 100 years old and I am dying slowly inside. I feel like I have nothing at all. I am at the very bottom and I am alone and there is nothing I can do about it.
My heart is black as soot. Bitterness is slowly killing the person I once was. I am literally dying.
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