Enough

It takes more than just making me smile every once in a while.

Ok. Now it is just getting harder and harder to even talk to him. Aside from one thing, there is nothing here at all. I mean yeah he has been a good friend to me. Helped me a lot. But really, there is a season for all things on God's earth and this one is way over due I think. I have those good days you know? When something good happens and I get lost in some fantasy world where things are right and I see this thing through rose-coloured glasses.

And then days like today. Nothing major happened but I just saw again that this even as a friendship is not destined to last long at all. People say I always give up on things. Well. What is the point of holding on when there is nothing left. I hate having my time wasted. I am the type of girl that moves on. Quickly. I don't entertain things that I do not have the patience for andI have given too much time here already. I am ready to move on. I have been lingering because I am bored and tired but now I really need a change of scenery and some new things in my life.

He means well you know? He has a good heart. But one, it is not for me. And two, he doesn't mix with me. We have a few things in common but honestly, we don't get each other. I don't get the way he functions. Getting soooooooo angry about every little thing. Wanting to control everything. And he doesn't get me. Jumps to conclusions. Get angry at me when I feel down. What the hell is that. He says he just doesn't like seeing me down and wants to help. Newsflash though, getting irritated or mad when I have an off day? Not the way to show you care. Just makes me want to get as far away from you as I can. I don't need another parent.

Anyway I dunno. We already made a commitment to something and I have to stick it out through the next few weeks but after that I am shutting off. I need him to fade out of my life now. If I have to be alone. fine. Better my own company than the company of someone who I seem to only have friction with lately. I hope to God Almighty that this time it works. I hate the devil. Hate him sooo much. He has been keeping me from my purpose and I am sick of it. No more. Satan you have no power. God lives in me and he is far stronger than you are and so these stupid distractions are going to stop. It will hurt him but hell, life is full of hurts. Eventually we get over them. I have. I can't keep coddling someone's feelings when they are unable to see mine. I am not anyone's mother and I have my own life to worry about.

I will be focused. Even if it kills me.