Frustrated

Again. I really wish I could embrace happiness more. It's not as if I don't bloody try. Life just bloody gets in the way of things. I am ready to meet someone and not be this pathetic lump of wasted human flesh. I feel very empty. I am blessed cuz God is taking great care of me but I am afraid I don't feel I am taking care of me as well. And I am tired of this. It kinda blows. I was watching stomp the yard of all movies. Lol. But it has been a while since I connected with black people and seeing a "black" movie again reminded me that I need a guy and black guys use to be the only ones that looked at me twice. Now no one really does. HAHA. Ok. Passive aggressive is not cute either. I just feel trapped and stuck in the mud. I need to shake this off. I need to wean off this routine and start enjoying my life more. I am not sure who or what I need in my life but I am ready to be connected to the world again. I miss flirting and having a guy like me. I miss being told that I am prtty or cute, even if it is a lie. Lol. I just miss feeling like a girl and in my life there is no one that can give me that right now. I have friends. I am grateful for my friends but I am missing something. Love I think. I need romance in my life. That's really just it. I am lacking romance. Being loved. Being someone' girlfriend. Having someone call me baby who isn't just a random friend who calls me that by rote. A guy to tell me I look pretty today or those jeans are killin it. Lol. Someone who will introduce me as his girl and tell people we are together, we are dating and trying to see where it will go. I don't need marriage proposals and a five year plan. Right now I would just like someone to invest in me as a romantic interest. Someone to say "Hey girl, you are worth my time and attentiona and real affetion. I am into you. I do not want to play games or just get mine, I care about you more than most people and I want you by my side, not just as a riend but as my girl."

Seems simple enough. But for me it is very elusive. I just don't want this to lat forever. I don't want to be overlooked or forgotten. I want someone to invest in and be connected to.

Here's hoping.