Rethink

Ok, Fine. So I overreacted. It's still stupid to force people to change rather than give them the option you know. Really stupid. But moving on.

The magazine is up. www.zajigirl.com It looks really good and I'm excited about it. But you know its never fun and games in life. Its always stress and stupid stuff and then I'm not so sure if the payoff is worth it in the end sometimes. Sorry, I was in a better mood but I've been hit by the pessimism bug again.

So a lot has happened since I last blogged. The only reason I went through all this today to get back on my blog was because apparently a friend of mine had a friend who googled her name and a picture I put up of her and me on my blog came up and she demanded I take it down. Ya. Then the whole can't-access-my-blog-because-of-stupid-new-things-and-i-really-don't-have-time-for-stupid-things-like-this-right-now thing happened. But we move on.

I got chocolates from one of my random wierd African admirers. Puh. He gave me these horrible cherry chocolate things. I don't even eat chocolates. And he gave me a box. He said it was for Valentines. Puh.

And then as if that wasn't enough, another wierd African man who is stalking me in the laundry room of my apartment complex now keeps giving me this wounded animal look everytime I see him because I told him I had a boyfriend. I don't. But I did tell him I did. Puh.

AND Jackson. Ya, that nickname never stuck but i'll use it for lack of a better alternative. He is calling and messaging me all the time and if there is one thing I can not stand is being pressured, especially by a man. And I can't stand it when people get all mad at you for not calling them back or not picking up the phone EXACTLY when they wanted you to. I admit I feel like that sommetimes, small little pangs of anger when I don't get a response. But I hardly ever act on it. I do not take it so personally so quickly and start telling that person how much they annoyed me.

He called me the other day and I was at work. He works all the time, you'd think he'd understand that I am busy. No. He called and called and called and then eventually messaged and messaged. OH MY GOSH. Get a freaking clue. So I admit I didn't call him back when I got off work. I was tired and did not want to talk to him anyway so I didn't.

Next day he messages and emails and says "So I see you're not picking up my calls now." Puh. Then the next day he calls and I pick up though I am at work. He says he wants to see me this weekend. Great. So I said fine, whatever but I'll be out of town from Saturday afternoon onwards so it'll have to be Friday night.

He messages me Friday night to tell me that he can't go out with me that night because he's tired but he would still like to see me if he could drop by for a minute. I said fine, call me after work. He calls and I am just getting off an extra long shift and am tired and don't really feel like him coming over. I ignore. Then he messages and asks where I am and messages again and tells me to respond asap. Puh.

I don't I get home and my house is a wreck and I dump everything on the floor, turn on the tele and get into bed despite it being around 8 or so on a Friday. I fall asleep. I am woken up by a call from a co-worker who needs me to come into work to lock up the money in the safe because I am the closest manager with authorization into the safe. I notice Jackson called me twice and left me a semi-nasty message. I call him back because I am appalled. I tell him I was tired and fell asleep and he acts all put out because I didn't pick up when he wanted me to. Puh. I tell him he can come over in half an hour when I get off and he says ok. He comes and we chat and chat and then he leaves.

I feel nothing but exhaustion when I think of this little arrangement. We agreed to be friends but he calls me all the time, tells me he misses me and how he really wanted to 'hold' me last time he was over. What the devil?

He still has a kid and I am still upset but I have lost interest almost completely. Almost because there is no rebound guy to obsess over right now. At least no likely prospects.

There are these two guys at work. Both yummy. One is way older than me and has a girlfriend and would not in a million years be interested in me like that if his life depended solely on him just PRETENDING to like me like that. The other is cute but I think a little pretentious in regards to me, he looks at me with this air about him, as if I am this totally pathetic useless kid, though the age gap is barely there. In fact I might be older than him too.

I thought I had gotten over the passing crush on the first guy, especially once I found out he has a girlfriend and his age. But it's coming back in spurts. When I see him. He's cute. Really really cute. But there is so much wrong with this crush, I don't even know where to begin. I.... yeah. I dunno where to start on this one. I hope it fades and goes away soon because I am beginning to feel he suspects that I like him and that is just awkward for everybody. Also, I think some other co-workers are beginning to look at me funny with suspicion too.

The other guy.... I am not so much into this week. He's just fine. Hella fine. Let me stop.

Ok, I have class right now and I am late and already hella behind so I better go. I was going to edit this cuz there are a million mistakes cuz I am typing fast but i'll correct later.

Laters.