So i said that last novel would be continued but i think i blew a fuse writing all that useless stuff last time. Basically i wanted to write about last weekend in Austin when i realized that where i live sucks a lot and Austin is pretty and cool and sooooo not like this place. I decided i like journalism again and i still hate my photography professor and my cousin D got me a little bit.....pleasantly lit shall i say. I was just a little happy this past weekend but i totally celebrated my birthday and had fun with him and his friends.
One of them looked like a young version of Matthew McConohay (ok, that is the second time on this blog i have butchered the spelling of that man's name. But use your phonics skills. I know you were hooked on them too, you'll work it out and know who i am talking about). Anyway this hottie was realy really ringing my bell. I was ready to pounce on him and....like....do things to him. But alas he had a girl. And she must have known what she had because she clung to him like seran wrap. I mean for real. And then my cousin goes and tells me that this guy was totally into black chicks. His girlfriend was white though but being with him all night was physically painful. He had dimples and everything. I honestly thought i was in love for like two minutes when he hugged me and was chatting me up. Then his girlfriend's head pops out of bloody nowhere and she made a comment about how i had a long tongue which would make a lesbian happy. Hmmn. Was that a shot at me? I was too happy to care though.
Then this other wild guy (also of the lighter persuation) was completely wasted and really taking a liking to me. He was so drunk and his girlfriend was there too and she was the passive aggressive type who was pissed at him all night. I think it had to do with the fact that he was following me around and chatting me up and asking me to smack his....and i quote..."white ass." He kept singing "Ooooh i think she like me!" and even abandoned his girl when we decided to go to another bar. Then at some point, when i was in a rather advanced stage of happy, i was dancing with him and had to stop when he did this wierd thing that looked like he was trying to go down on me. Wow. Did not need that.
I sobered up pretty quickly....mainly because i wasn't drunk but a little bit lit. It was fun watching the drunk people and hanging out with D is always an experience. Always. He is the only person who can get me to drink. Ever.
We went to his friend's house party at some point in the night and they had this huge ice block with a groove drilled all down the center. The point? The block is on an angled table thing and you sit at the bottom with your mouth at the mouth of the bottom of the groove and someone at the top pours shots down the groove and you drink it. That was certainly different for me. But they gave me something that tasted like green apples. See, i do not need them making gum flavoured alcohol because my ass will be hella drunk all the time.
I was not proud of my drinking but not upset by it either. I do not drink habitually and figured i could this time since my 21st was a non-entity. PLus i had been sick all week and my birthday sucked. I figured drinking was the smart thing to do. Plus i didn't get drunk. Well done me!
It was a fun night, weekend, whatever. I had a good time and kept my clothes on. Yay me.
Ok, now i sound like an alcoholic whore. I'm really not. Isn't it funny how guilty people always assert their innocence with vehemence? But seriously. I'm not.
Friday, March 24
Monday, March 20
like a moth to a flame burned by the fire......
So it's been a while hasn't it? Me and my procrastinating lazy ways right? I have so much to say but it's all backed up i'm overwhelmed. OK, where to begin?
How about my birthday? Yeah. Ring-a-ding, bahumbug or whatever you wish. Apparently 22 is not a landmark year, go figure right? And my birthday just happened to fall on a Thursday while i was in a city where i have no good friends really and everybody else was on Spring break around here. So you can imagine how excited i was. It is not that i was upset, but it was going to be a non-descript day as far as i was concerned. Plus i had a job interview that morning. So i didn't make plans. This is never wise when those who are aware of your birthday (only thanks to blood ties and the all knowing facebook) keep asking you what you're going to do. I responded truthfully, 'nuttin' and they were shocked and appalled from the gasps and sighs of sympathy i recieved. What is the big kafifo anyway? It's just my 22nd. Is it supposed to be a big deal?
So everyone was lamenting about my lack of plans for my birthday and then all the offers came flooding in. It's almost as if the lonely girl defense agency kicked into gear and everyone consulted their calendars to see if something could be done. So first came T. He promised me a night on the town, painting the town blue or some craziness like that. Cool. I didn't take it at face value because as sweet as T is, he has a habit of cancelling on me every so often because of work or some other obligation or of wanting to incorporate dodgy individuals into our plans. But i figured if it came to pass, it would be ok right?
So the morning of my birthday, around midnight, like clockwork mum rang. She wished me Happy birthday, went through the annual spiel about how old i was making her and dad and then handed it over to the bruv. He wished me Happy birthday and handed back to mum who mentioned that there would be a little something special in my bank account that day. Gotta love those parents right? The only ones who truly understand your brithday! Dad was at work and the little ster was at school but i was promised a call later on from them and hung up feeling happy. There's nothing like family and money to get you smiling ey?
Next Queen C called me. We talk a lot and though she can work my nerves once in a while, she is truly a good friend. She was on her way back from a date with the new guy. Hmmn, save that for a later post. Anyway, she wished me happy birthday, told me about her date and all was peachy.
When i finally did get to sleep, it was time to wake up and get ready for my interview. I had treated myself to Chinese delivery the night before (i know, i'm living extravagantly! *rolls her eyes*) and the fortune cookie said if i wore yellow the next day i would have a lucky day. So i wore green and tan. I don't believe in luck or fortune cookies.
Anyway went for the interview and the lady gives me a packet the size of freaking Websters to look over and i didn't hear her when she said that the interview would start once i was through. So i am looking through this thing, wondering why she isn't in the office, why i am sittting there and after twenty minutes she asks if i am through. I was like, OH. She was waiting on me. Well damn it. The interview went for about forty minutes and she basically told me everything i had read and i was restless, as i get after about ten minutes usually. Then she asks if i want the job and i said yes and she said i had it. Wha? That was what i got dressed and came in for? Motherf-!
Ok we took a tour of the building and FINALLY she let me go but not before handing me another phonebook of paperwork to FILL OUT and directions of where i needed to take the paperwork. Motha-!
Got out of there and was going to go and celebrate by going shopping. The only decent place to do that? The mall. Curses. I hate the mall. But i got my roommate and her friend K to drop me off (my car is evil and will not function) on their way and in the process they asked what i was doing. I said nuttin. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
They decided that would just not do and that they were going to rescue me from the clutches of lonely boredom and take me to this game place. I knew i had standing plans with T but was not sure if they were solid (hadn't called me at all yet) so i said i would let them know. They thought that meant yes since i had said i did not have plans yet.
Went shopping, bought a pair of gorgeous shoes for $60 only cuz it was my birthday. Shoes on my feet should never cost $60 but i was shopping with abandon because it was my day. I like them but still don't think they are worth $60. Although i have been eyeing them for about six months now. Then in a moment of stupidity i bought these two very revealing club-type shirts, you know? The ones that swoop to your belly and expose the girls in all their glory?
My girls have never been glorious. They are very immature and disappointing. Why then did i buy these $40 tops? Because i was a deluded moron and figured, hell, if Grace Adler can do it, why not me? Because Grace Adler is fictional and you are not that's why!! Where the hell was that pep talk from my shoulder angel huh? Instead my shoulder devil was all in the mix, telling me to embrace my sexy side. I think i needed to embrace a straightjacket before i did that mess. And to add insult to bad fashion sense, they were final sales. Damn-diggity-dogggone-damnit!! I do not understand how a peice of thin, almost bloody see through fabric that doesn't cover a damn thing can cost more than a damn turtleneck! Wha-? But my silly ass bought them anyway? Why? I don't damn know.
I bought another pair of heels. I hate heels but as a girl i have been man-handled by society into wearing the damned things even though i dread it and they hurt my feet and i can not dance or run in them and have to sit down a lot. And i dunno what the hell it is with me. I will walk into a store, see something i think i might like, try it on, walk around in it for about an hour, sit and really ponder about it, i mean like put it in front of me and really stroke my chin about it. I'll consider the price, walk out the store, shop some more and finally go back and purchase them, making sure i know where the reciept is. I liked them in the store. The sales lady had them on and they looked great. I brought them home. I dunno anymore.
Anyway i spent an obscene amount of money that day to cut a very very very very long story into a shorter long, long story. So, it was around 5 in the evening. Still hadn't heard from T. And my aunt calls to wish me happy birthday and ask what my fav stores were and if i was doing anything. I said no. It was a reflex damnit! So she's all rallying the troops (the cousins) and trying to organize a nice dinner somewhere. Hmmn. Great. So i hung up with a possible family dinner and finally an hour later had to call T because he had said dinner then painting the town. So i needed a solid already. Told him i was having din with the fam, he was preoccupied with work, i don't even think he was listening to me. He said he'd call me later before i could tell him i needed to know. Said he was busy. Hung up. What the hell? I didn't want to damn do anything for my birthday in the first place but since you damn offered, let me know instead of calling me at nine and saying 'lets go, i'm downstairs' like people always do with me. What? do i look like i am in a perpetual state of ready-to-damn-go-out? Damn!
Then the rommmate is bugging me because she had already booked for 8 at the game place and gotten two of her friends to come. Damn it all to hell. I have loads of shopping to sort through, an outfit to pick out, depending who i go with and where we go and three people making plans without telling me a damn thing about it. So i cancelled with the roommate. I had cancelled on her and the same people the week before to hang out with the cousins, remember that disastrous evening? Ya. She seemed pissed off or hurt like i was this inconsiderate little witch who couldn't appreciate people trying to help HER out or something and when i tried to reschedule for the following night she rushed me off the phone with "yeah sure whatever ok, don't worry about it then it's fine." Made me feel like crap.
Then the cousin calls and asks if i wanna have dinner. It's damn 7 at night. I asked with who. With the other cousin(the ones i keep hanging out with and wondering why the hell i keep doing it) and their friend. Yes the one who took us to that weak party last week, the one they always schoffer everywhere, the one with a million and one friends who i am not clicking with. I thought about it this time. Until they mentioned it was at this Lebanese restaurant with belly dancers. I was psyched about that so i said yes. So much for self-restraint. And so much for the family dinner thing. I figured i would go to that and then go out with T if he ever decided what the hell he was doing.
Dinner. The dancing lasted for twenty minutes. It was cool, but it was 20 minutes. The table was jam packed with the girl's friends. It was not a birthday celebration. I was so and so's cousin who was tagging along. Plus, i decided to wear one of the new tops i had bought. This was before the delusion wore off. so there i was. Naked. And my allergies had been bugging me for days. Texas is not good for me. So i was sneezing and leaking out of my nose every two seconds. Not pretty. And this meant reapplying my lipstick every two minutes since i have yet to buy that outlast stuff i keep telling myself to buy since lipstick only usually lasts five minutes with me. And it was cold. I had a headache and was sitting with a bunch of non-welcoming people. And, it does not stop there my friends. Oh no. The food. I am used to any cuisine almost. I could deal with Lebanese cuisine. I ordered meat pies. at $7 i figured it would be enough of a meal right? It was a damn starter in my book. It was four little pastries, three of which could have fit in my palm at once. and four slivers of pickled turnip and three slivers of pickles for garnish. By sliver, i mean half the size of a very small carrot stick. Half. All on a bed of shredded lettuce.
Do i look like a fucking rabbit? Do they not see that i am black and when i order food? It better damn be food dammit. So i paid $10 for half a snack (and a tip on top of that. wha-?) and then they decided they wanted to go on the patio of the place and smoke hookah. I don't smoke. I am not bonding. And T calls and asks if i wanna go to the R. Kelley after party and to inform me that if i did i would be spending the night in Dallas and make it back home the next day. I am sneezing, leaky and gross, cold as hell, have the biggest headache and am hungry and bored and falling in and out of my damn top sitting around with a bunch of wierdos half drunk and smoking hookah pipes and all i wanted to do was go home. The afterparty was at a club close to where i was but the line wound around several blocks. I decided to let T go and have fun with his friends, since i was an afterthought anyway, and figured my best bet of getting home soon was with the cousins and their people. Wrong.
They decided around midnight that they were going to go to this hole-in-the-wall hip hop spot. It was a shack that looked like it belonged on a Venezuelan beach or something and it was packed with funky, dodgy people. No prospects whatsoever. None. Zero. My only salvation were these two guys who were part of the group. They didn't really know everyone either and they were fun. One was this obnoxious, short but adorable white 25 yr old who can not dance and his friend was the closest Don Cheadle look alike i have ever seen. I liked him straight away because of that, but he was a little shorter and smoked so i wasn't liking him too too much. Anyway they were fun. Me and Don Cheadle were trying to teach Sweet&Low how to dance, to no avail but trying was fun. That was toward the end of the night. We left shortly after that and an hour later i was home and cursing my decision to not stay in and acknowledge by birthday quietly.
So that was Thursday. Oh yes, there is so much more. I had the best weekend i have had in a while. I will save that for the next entry, this one is long enough as is, but Austin this weekend rocked. And i hung out with the fun cousin. Why i went out on my birthday with the unfun twins i have no idea. I was a deluded moron and though i keep saying it, i will not be doing that again! But like a moth to a damn flame......
How about my birthday? Yeah. Ring-a-ding, bahumbug or whatever you wish. Apparently 22 is not a landmark year, go figure right? And my birthday just happened to fall on a Thursday while i was in a city where i have no good friends really and everybody else was on Spring break around here. So you can imagine how excited i was. It is not that i was upset, but it was going to be a non-descript day as far as i was concerned. Plus i had a job interview that morning. So i didn't make plans. This is never wise when those who are aware of your birthday (only thanks to blood ties and the all knowing facebook) keep asking you what you're going to do. I responded truthfully, 'nuttin' and they were shocked and appalled from the gasps and sighs of sympathy i recieved. What is the big kafifo anyway? It's just my 22nd. Is it supposed to be a big deal?
So everyone was lamenting about my lack of plans for my birthday and then all the offers came flooding in. It's almost as if the lonely girl defense agency kicked into gear and everyone consulted their calendars to see if something could be done. So first came T. He promised me a night on the town, painting the town blue or some craziness like that. Cool. I didn't take it at face value because as sweet as T is, he has a habit of cancelling on me every so often because of work or some other obligation or of wanting to incorporate dodgy individuals into our plans. But i figured if it came to pass, it would be ok right?
So the morning of my birthday, around midnight, like clockwork mum rang. She wished me Happy birthday, went through the annual spiel about how old i was making her and dad and then handed it over to the bruv. He wished me Happy birthday and handed back to mum who mentioned that there would be a little something special in my bank account that day. Gotta love those parents right? The only ones who truly understand your brithday! Dad was at work and the little ster was at school but i was promised a call later on from them and hung up feeling happy. There's nothing like family and money to get you smiling ey?
Next Queen C called me. We talk a lot and though she can work my nerves once in a while, she is truly a good friend. She was on her way back from a date with the new guy. Hmmn, save that for a later post. Anyway, she wished me happy birthday, told me about her date and all was peachy.
When i finally did get to sleep, it was time to wake up and get ready for my interview. I had treated myself to Chinese delivery the night before (i know, i'm living extravagantly! *rolls her eyes*) and the fortune cookie said if i wore yellow the next day i would have a lucky day. So i wore green and tan. I don't believe in luck or fortune cookies.
Anyway went for the interview and the lady gives me a packet the size of freaking Websters to look over and i didn't hear her when she said that the interview would start once i was through. So i am looking through this thing, wondering why she isn't in the office, why i am sittting there and after twenty minutes she asks if i am through. I was like, OH. She was waiting on me. Well damn it. The interview went for about forty minutes and she basically told me everything i had read and i was restless, as i get after about ten minutes usually. Then she asks if i want the job and i said yes and she said i had it. Wha? That was what i got dressed and came in for? Motherf-!
Ok we took a tour of the building and FINALLY she let me go but not before handing me another phonebook of paperwork to FILL OUT and directions of where i needed to take the paperwork. Motha-!
Got out of there and was going to go and celebrate by going shopping. The only decent place to do that? The mall. Curses. I hate the mall. But i got my roommate and her friend K to drop me off (my car is evil and will not function) on their way and in the process they asked what i was doing. I said nuttin. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
They decided that would just not do and that they were going to rescue me from the clutches of lonely boredom and take me to this game place. I knew i had standing plans with T but was not sure if they were solid (hadn't called me at all yet) so i said i would let them know. They thought that meant yes since i had said i did not have plans yet.
Went shopping, bought a pair of gorgeous shoes for $60 only cuz it was my birthday. Shoes on my feet should never cost $60 but i was shopping with abandon because it was my day. I like them but still don't think they are worth $60. Although i have been eyeing them for about six months now. Then in a moment of stupidity i bought these two very revealing club-type shirts, you know? The ones that swoop to your belly and expose the girls in all their glory?
My girls have never been glorious. They are very immature and disappointing. Why then did i buy these $40 tops? Because i was a deluded moron and figured, hell, if Grace Adler can do it, why not me? Because Grace Adler is fictional and you are not that's why!! Where the hell was that pep talk from my shoulder angel huh? Instead my shoulder devil was all in the mix, telling me to embrace my sexy side. I think i needed to embrace a straightjacket before i did that mess. And to add insult to bad fashion sense, they were final sales. Damn-diggity-dogggone-damnit!! I do not understand how a peice of thin, almost bloody see through fabric that doesn't cover a damn thing can cost more than a damn turtleneck! Wha-? But my silly ass bought them anyway? Why? I don't damn know.
I bought another pair of heels. I hate heels but as a girl i have been man-handled by society into wearing the damned things even though i dread it and they hurt my feet and i can not dance or run in them and have to sit down a lot. And i dunno what the hell it is with me. I will walk into a store, see something i think i might like, try it on, walk around in it for about an hour, sit and really ponder about it, i mean like put it in front of me and really stroke my chin about it. I'll consider the price, walk out the store, shop some more and finally go back and purchase them, making sure i know where the reciept is. I liked them in the store. The sales lady had them on and they looked great. I brought them home. I dunno anymore.
Anyway i spent an obscene amount of money that day to cut a very very very very long story into a shorter long, long story. So, it was around 5 in the evening. Still hadn't heard from T. And my aunt calls to wish me happy birthday and ask what my fav stores were and if i was doing anything. I said no. It was a reflex damnit! So she's all rallying the troops (the cousins) and trying to organize a nice dinner somewhere. Hmmn. Great. So i hung up with a possible family dinner and finally an hour later had to call T because he had said dinner then painting the town. So i needed a solid already. Told him i was having din with the fam, he was preoccupied with work, i don't even think he was listening to me. He said he'd call me later before i could tell him i needed to know. Said he was busy. Hung up. What the hell? I didn't want to damn do anything for my birthday in the first place but since you damn offered, let me know instead of calling me at nine and saying 'lets go, i'm downstairs' like people always do with me. What? do i look like i am in a perpetual state of ready-to-damn-go-out? Damn!
Then the rommmate is bugging me because she had already booked for 8 at the game place and gotten two of her friends to come. Damn it all to hell. I have loads of shopping to sort through, an outfit to pick out, depending who i go with and where we go and three people making plans without telling me a damn thing about it. So i cancelled with the roommate. I had cancelled on her and the same people the week before to hang out with the cousins, remember that disastrous evening? Ya. She seemed pissed off or hurt like i was this inconsiderate little witch who couldn't appreciate people trying to help HER out or something and when i tried to reschedule for the following night she rushed me off the phone with "yeah sure whatever ok, don't worry about it then it's fine." Made me feel like crap.
Then the cousin calls and asks if i wanna have dinner. It's damn 7 at night. I asked with who. With the other cousin(the ones i keep hanging out with and wondering why the hell i keep doing it) and their friend. Yes the one who took us to that weak party last week, the one they always schoffer everywhere, the one with a million and one friends who i am not clicking with. I thought about it this time. Until they mentioned it was at this Lebanese restaurant with belly dancers. I was psyched about that so i said yes. So much for self-restraint. And so much for the family dinner thing. I figured i would go to that and then go out with T if he ever decided what the hell he was doing.
Dinner. The dancing lasted for twenty minutes. It was cool, but it was 20 minutes. The table was jam packed with the girl's friends. It was not a birthday celebration. I was so and so's cousin who was tagging along. Plus, i decided to wear one of the new tops i had bought. This was before the delusion wore off. so there i was. Naked. And my allergies had been bugging me for days. Texas is not good for me. So i was sneezing and leaking out of my nose every two seconds. Not pretty. And this meant reapplying my lipstick every two minutes since i have yet to buy that outlast stuff i keep telling myself to buy since lipstick only usually lasts five minutes with me. And it was cold. I had a headache and was sitting with a bunch of non-welcoming people. And, it does not stop there my friends. Oh no. The food. I am used to any cuisine almost. I could deal with Lebanese cuisine. I ordered meat pies. at $7 i figured it would be enough of a meal right? It was a damn starter in my book. It was four little pastries, three of which could have fit in my palm at once. and four slivers of pickled turnip and three slivers of pickles for garnish. By sliver, i mean half the size of a very small carrot stick. Half. All on a bed of shredded lettuce.
Do i look like a fucking rabbit? Do they not see that i am black and when i order food? It better damn be food dammit. So i paid $10 for half a snack (and a tip on top of that. wha-?) and then they decided they wanted to go on the patio of the place and smoke hookah. I don't smoke. I am not bonding. And T calls and asks if i wanna go to the R. Kelley after party and to inform me that if i did i would be spending the night in Dallas and make it back home the next day. I am sneezing, leaky and gross, cold as hell, have the biggest headache and am hungry and bored and falling in and out of my damn top sitting around with a bunch of wierdos half drunk and smoking hookah pipes and all i wanted to do was go home. The afterparty was at a club close to where i was but the line wound around several blocks. I decided to let T go and have fun with his friends, since i was an afterthought anyway, and figured my best bet of getting home soon was with the cousins and their people. Wrong.
They decided around midnight that they were going to go to this hole-in-the-wall hip hop spot. It was a shack that looked like it belonged on a Venezuelan beach or something and it was packed with funky, dodgy people. No prospects whatsoever. None. Zero. My only salvation were these two guys who were part of the group. They didn't really know everyone either and they were fun. One was this obnoxious, short but adorable white 25 yr old who can not dance and his friend was the closest Don Cheadle look alike i have ever seen. I liked him straight away because of that, but he was a little shorter and smoked so i wasn't liking him too too much. Anyway they were fun. Me and Don Cheadle were trying to teach Sweet&Low how to dance, to no avail but trying was fun. That was toward the end of the night. We left shortly after that and an hour later i was home and cursing my decision to not stay in and acknowledge by birthday quietly.
So that was Thursday. Oh yes, there is so much more. I had the best weekend i have had in a while. I will save that for the next entry, this one is long enough as is, but Austin this weekend rocked. And i hung out with the fun cousin. Why i went out on my birthday with the unfun twins i have no idea. I was a deluded moron and though i keep saying it, i will not be doing that again! But like a moth to a damn flame......
Wednesday, March 15
Allergies are the devil.
The Whore of Babylon is off to the Bahamas this weekend. So jealous! So so so jealous.
Woke up this....well....afternoon if truth must be told. Anyway woke up sneezing my brains out. I hate this time of year because i am usually elbow deep in gross used Kleenex, OD-ing on Claritin and looking completely blazed because my eyes will not stop crying and they insist on this horrid murder red colour. And i keep sneezing all over the damn place. I just sneezed three times in a row and i think the guy sitting next to me is thoroughly grossed out.....whoa! No he's not, his finger just went deep sea diving in his nose! Wow, did not need to see that one!
So T wants to take me out to paint the town blue (he insists we paint it my favourite colour. Ironic isn't it?). He wants to have a laugh over some drinks and just hang out. Hmmn. I wasn't really planning on doing anything for my birthday so i suppose i should suck it in and actually acknowledge the day right? So that's the plan for tomorrow night.
T and R are having issues. It's really quite sad and i am a bit worried about T and about spending tomorrow night with him. I suspect he is slowly turning into the angry black man who thinks all women are jezzebels waiting to rip his heart out and sautee it for dinner with another man. R messed up. Big. She really did. I am friends with both of them so i am stuck in the middle so to speak. Not that either one of them really feels the need to confide deeply in me although both have callled me to talk about it and i even had dinner with T a couple of weeks ago where he broke down a little. I never know what to do when a man cries in front of me. I always get squirmy and blank. What does one do? Please tell me.
So R lives in Australia. T is here in the States. Problem one. R apparently has deep seated issues from her childhood and an insecurity when it comes to men. Problem two. Last year she played these insecurities out by sleeping with a couple of guys. Problem three. Yeah, yeah "he without sin cast the first stone." But T only found out about it a few weeks ago. And now he wants nothing to do with the girl, but i know him and i know he is still very very deeply in love with her. So is she which is what she told me when she called me yesterday. It is so tangled up and confused.
I want to help but i think it's best i stay away for now and just listen. But drinks is going to be interesting tomorrow night.
I have an interview for a job tomorrow morning so fingers crossed for that one yeah?
I have just spread disease all over this keyboard. It is quite disgusting actually. I really should have stayed home. I came here with the intention of knocking out some work i have due next week. Instead i looked for an airticket to Iran for the summer, looked at wedding gowns (don't ask. please.), deactivated my facebook account, booked a multi-point vacation for my cousin, reactivated my facebook account, looked through blogs and deactivated my facebook account. Wow. I need help. I am most likely leaving in a minute because i am hungry and jonesing (sp?) for some Panda Express. PLus i have a movie i rented, The sisterhood of the Travelling pants. I saw it last year and remember loving it, so i rented it again to see what i loved about it. PLus, they didn't have Pride and Prejudice. Bastards. I watched the Forty Year Old Virgin finally last night. It was cute.
Florida will not stop bugging me. Ok, i met him randomly. He saw my profile on a friend's profile and decided he was going "get to know me." Now we know my little weakness right? I am a sucker for flattery and he laid it on real thick. I thought he had a cute face and he is a little big or whatever and he seemed nice. Then my slow behind put two and two together and figured out he was my friend's ex. Red flag number one. The he asks me to be his e-valentine and for my phone number. Red flag two. Now he will not stop messaging and calling me. I think the blooming alarm has bloody gone off now. I am tired of him already and i dunno how to break it to him. So i have decided to ignore him. Granted this little tactic has not worked well for me in the past and i am still dealing with three bug-a-boos currently, but i do not want to have to say anything.
It's not working too well. Two days ago it was "hey suga, how's your day going?" the next day it was "how is my e-girlfriend doing? I miss hearing your voice" and last night it was "are you free to talk gorgeous?" What? he needs to get a grip. I am attracting all the wrong guys to me, i just don't know. If they are at least one state away from me, afraid of committing to more than breakfast, West bloody dodgy African, looking for some fun or just straight up crazy, odds are i have attracted them.
Perhaps shy nice girl needs to be rethought, what do you think?
Woke up this....well....afternoon if truth must be told. Anyway woke up sneezing my brains out. I hate this time of year because i am usually elbow deep in gross used Kleenex, OD-ing on Claritin and looking completely blazed because my eyes will not stop crying and they insist on this horrid murder red colour. And i keep sneezing all over the damn place. I just sneezed three times in a row and i think the guy sitting next to me is thoroughly grossed out.....whoa! No he's not, his finger just went deep sea diving in his nose! Wow, did not need to see that one!
So T wants to take me out to paint the town blue (he insists we paint it my favourite colour. Ironic isn't it?). He wants to have a laugh over some drinks and just hang out. Hmmn. I wasn't really planning on doing anything for my birthday so i suppose i should suck it in and actually acknowledge the day right? So that's the plan for tomorrow night.
T and R are having issues. It's really quite sad and i am a bit worried about T and about spending tomorrow night with him. I suspect he is slowly turning into the angry black man who thinks all women are jezzebels waiting to rip his heart out and sautee it for dinner with another man. R messed up. Big. She really did. I am friends with both of them so i am stuck in the middle so to speak. Not that either one of them really feels the need to confide deeply in me although both have callled me to talk about it and i even had dinner with T a couple of weeks ago where he broke down a little. I never know what to do when a man cries in front of me. I always get squirmy and blank. What does one do? Please tell me.
So R lives in Australia. T is here in the States. Problem one. R apparently has deep seated issues from her childhood and an insecurity when it comes to men. Problem two. Last year she played these insecurities out by sleeping with a couple of guys. Problem three. Yeah, yeah "he without sin cast the first stone." But T only found out about it a few weeks ago. And now he wants nothing to do with the girl, but i know him and i know he is still very very deeply in love with her. So is she which is what she told me when she called me yesterday. It is so tangled up and confused.
I want to help but i think it's best i stay away for now and just listen. But drinks is going to be interesting tomorrow night.
I have an interview for a job tomorrow morning so fingers crossed for that one yeah?
I have just spread disease all over this keyboard. It is quite disgusting actually. I really should have stayed home. I came here with the intention of knocking out some work i have due next week. Instead i looked for an airticket to Iran for the summer, looked at wedding gowns (don't ask. please.), deactivated my facebook account, booked a multi-point vacation for my cousin, reactivated my facebook account, looked through blogs and deactivated my facebook account. Wow. I need help. I am most likely leaving in a minute because i am hungry and jonesing (sp?) for some Panda Express. PLus i have a movie i rented, The sisterhood of the Travelling pants. I saw it last year and remember loving it, so i rented it again to see what i loved about it. PLus, they didn't have Pride and Prejudice. Bastards. I watched the Forty Year Old Virgin finally last night. It was cute.
Florida will not stop bugging me. Ok, i met him randomly. He saw my profile on a friend's profile and decided he was going "get to know me." Now we know my little weakness right? I am a sucker for flattery and he laid it on real thick. I thought he had a cute face and he is a little big or whatever and he seemed nice. Then my slow behind put two and two together and figured out he was my friend's ex. Red flag number one. The he asks me to be his e-valentine and for my phone number. Red flag two. Now he will not stop messaging and calling me. I think the blooming alarm has bloody gone off now. I am tired of him already and i dunno how to break it to him. So i have decided to ignore him. Granted this little tactic has not worked well for me in the past and i am still dealing with three bug-a-boos currently, but i do not want to have to say anything.
It's not working too well. Two days ago it was "hey suga, how's your day going?" the next day it was "how is my e-girlfriend doing? I miss hearing your voice" and last night it was "are you free to talk gorgeous?" What? he needs to get a grip. I am attracting all the wrong guys to me, i just don't know. If they are at least one state away from me, afraid of committing to more than breakfast, West bloody dodgy African, looking for some fun or just straight up crazy, odds are i have attracted them.
Perhaps shy nice girl needs to be rethought, what do you think?
Tuesday, March 14
I'm so scribbled!
Just took a quiz i saw on Malaika's blog. I am Lydia Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. I dunno how to take that exactly. I haven't watched it, in fact i am on my way out to rent it. I read the book a million years ago but it'll be interesting to see what this Lydia i am suppose to be is like. Hmmmn.
Talked to the best friend a few days ago. Big things have happened. I am soooo glad that i am not the only one going through the crap i went through last year. We are definately soul mates. We live an almost identical life without knowing it until we share our experiences and we did and all i have to say is WOW!!!
Went to the recording studio with the cousins last night. I know i said i would have to rethink hanging out with the boys but then again i had nothing going on and i thought i would implode from boredom. This whole Spring Break nonsense is killing me. Only because so far i have no plans. Hopefully this weekend i'll be in Orlando with Andy. Hopefully.
I digress. So i went to the studio with the boys and laid down another track. Yes boys and girls i have been exploring my musical talent. Well, maybe not. They rap (please do not comment just roll your eyes in silence and move on) and wanted a female voice to do the hooks. Ya. I dunno where they got the notion that i sing for anyone other than my showerhead, but they did and i thought it would be fun and obliged. So last week we did one song and last night we tried the next one. Disaster. It sucked eggs. The rap was not working, i thought i sounded like a strangled chicken but as usual they said i am too hard on myself and that i sounded great. I think they were just utilizing that inherently male mechanism that makes them say things they think girls want to hear. They can't help themselves so no use getting your knickers in a twist about it, just accept it and move on right? Anyway i thought it was an interesting night, was there from nine until after one in the morning. Ya. I really should learn not to hang out with the boys. But they are so adorable, i don't know how not to.
So apparently Sade is mood music for me in the sense that i really have to be in the mood for it. I am listening to it now and it is giving me a migraine. I love Sade, but i suppose my head is not in a place where i can handle all that right now.
My birthday is coming up in two days and i dunno how i feel about it. Dad's birthday is on Monday and he is going to be 49. I am having trouble with that. With my parents aging. I don't like it one bit. They look like they are in their thirties but the fact of the matter is they are getting older. I am getting older. Why the hell can't things stay the way the are?
Another thing that is bothering me about my impending birthday is the fact that i do not have so much as a prospect for a relationship in the wings or anywhere in the vicinity. I don't care what kind of female it makes me, but i want one damnit. I really really really really really really really want a man. I am disgusted at myself for writing that and letting that escape from the cages of my pride but i do.
Ok, Sade is really getting to me now. I need to listen to something not as heavy right now.
I just put in my "sounds of the rainforest" cd. What is wrong with me? I don't know exactly but all this time with nothing to keep me preoccupied (u know. aside from all the tests and projects and assignments i have due first thing next week. but they don't count because as a chronic procrastinator, they will get done when it is absolutely necessary.) is driving me crazy. I...like....have to think now. And that is never good, when i get to thinking.
Oh dear, i need to stop. I need to get out of here.
Talked to the best friend a few days ago. Big things have happened. I am soooo glad that i am not the only one going through the crap i went through last year. We are definately soul mates. We live an almost identical life without knowing it until we share our experiences and we did and all i have to say is WOW!!!
Went to the recording studio with the cousins last night. I know i said i would have to rethink hanging out with the boys but then again i had nothing going on and i thought i would implode from boredom. This whole Spring Break nonsense is killing me. Only because so far i have no plans. Hopefully this weekend i'll be in Orlando with Andy. Hopefully.
I digress. So i went to the studio with the boys and laid down another track. Yes boys and girls i have been exploring my musical talent. Well, maybe not. They rap (please do not comment just roll your eyes in silence and move on) and wanted a female voice to do the hooks. Ya. I dunno where they got the notion that i sing for anyone other than my showerhead, but they did and i thought it would be fun and obliged. So last week we did one song and last night we tried the next one. Disaster. It sucked eggs. The rap was not working, i thought i sounded like a strangled chicken but as usual they said i am too hard on myself and that i sounded great. I think they were just utilizing that inherently male mechanism that makes them say things they think girls want to hear. They can't help themselves so no use getting your knickers in a twist about it, just accept it and move on right? Anyway i thought it was an interesting night, was there from nine until after one in the morning. Ya. I really should learn not to hang out with the boys. But they are so adorable, i don't know how not to.
So apparently Sade is mood music for me in the sense that i really have to be in the mood for it. I am listening to it now and it is giving me a migraine. I love Sade, but i suppose my head is not in a place where i can handle all that right now.
My birthday is coming up in two days and i dunno how i feel about it. Dad's birthday is on Monday and he is going to be 49. I am having trouble with that. With my parents aging. I don't like it one bit. They look like they are in their thirties but the fact of the matter is they are getting older. I am getting older. Why the hell can't things stay the way the are?
Another thing that is bothering me about my impending birthday is the fact that i do not have so much as a prospect for a relationship in the wings or anywhere in the vicinity. I don't care what kind of female it makes me, but i want one damnit. I really really really really really really really want a man. I am disgusted at myself for writing that and letting that escape from the cages of my pride but i do.
Ok, Sade is really getting to me now. I need to listen to something not as heavy right now.
I just put in my "sounds of the rainforest" cd. What is wrong with me? I don't know exactly but all this time with nothing to keep me preoccupied (u know. aside from all the tests and projects and assignments i have due first thing next week. but they don't count because as a chronic procrastinator, they will get done when it is absolutely necessary.) is driving me crazy. I...like....have to think now. And that is never good, when i get to thinking.
Oh dear, i need to stop. I need to get out of here.
Sunday, March 12
Ring-a-Ding
So there i was minding my own little business. I was walking home from having lunch by myself and just enjoying the windy day (it is hotter than the devil's shorts out here and our AC in the room is not working. Ugh!! Agony!) and listening to my discman. I was listening and singing along to JOJO. For some reason i like that CD and i was really into it.
Ok, i admit that i was thinking of him. D.C. I was thinking random thoughts, not like "Oh i miss him i wish i could talk to him i wonder what he's doing" type thoughts, but harmless non-emotional thoughts. It was wierd to be thinking of him but i was.
Then BANG! POW! POP! ZING! It happened. Ok, maybe not that dramatic, but my phone rang out of the blue and it was him. What are the odds? He hasn't called me in over a month and then all of a sudden RING RING. I had erased his number ages ago so as to deter me from calling him randomly as i am apt to do with certain people when i am feeling funny. But i knew it was his number (i suppose it doesn't help that at some poiint i memorized it. Ha!) and i answered and we talked, like homies. I dunno, i am going to not analyze this one for once. Just let it be.
It is so freaking hot it is ridiculous!! I am going mad. Oh and last night i opted to go to a house party with my cousins and their friend L over going to this African party with my roommate. I thought it was going to be a hot party and that i would have more fun than at the Nigerian party.
I miscalculated that one. So this so called house party was crap. It was like twenty people, all friends that knew each other and no cute guys. I think all the guys were with the girls that were there so in essence it was like a couples get together. The hostess was pregnant and pouring out shots for everyone else and as sweet as these people were, i was bored stupid until we left around 3 in the morning. It was bad. PLus i was allergic to the dog so i was walking around sneezing with my eyes puffed up to the size os saucers and bloodshot. I looked like i was completely blazed, it was so bad.
So, note to self, think twice before going out with the boys again. Last time i went out with them was Wednesday night, and we went to this Jamaican spot. It was cool music but hardly anyone was there and the ones who were there were serious ganga freaks who didn't look very clean. So you think i would have learned right? Well i certainly have now, no more.
It is so freaking hot, i am dying right now. But i gotta get ready for church now. Hopefully i will get a chance to go to Orlando next weekend with Andy, another cousin, but i KNOW i will have fun with him. He has a condo timeshare thing down there for the week and said all i needed to cover was my flight and he would cover all my other expenses. Funny enough J (sometimes known as the smelly kid) offered to pay for my flight to Orlando. I don't know why but he did. Hmmn. To exploit or not to exploit. A seemingly obvious but really complex question i am asking myself.
Work in progress.
Ok, i admit that i was thinking of him. D.C. I was thinking random thoughts, not like "Oh i miss him i wish i could talk to him i wonder what he's doing" type thoughts, but harmless non-emotional thoughts. It was wierd to be thinking of him but i was.
Then BANG! POW! POP! ZING! It happened. Ok, maybe not that dramatic, but my phone rang out of the blue and it was him. What are the odds? He hasn't called me in over a month and then all of a sudden RING RING. I had erased his number ages ago so as to deter me from calling him randomly as i am apt to do with certain people when i am feeling funny. But i knew it was his number (i suppose it doesn't help that at some poiint i memorized it. Ha!) and i answered and we talked, like homies. I dunno, i am going to not analyze this one for once. Just let it be.
It is so freaking hot it is ridiculous!! I am going mad. Oh and last night i opted to go to a house party with my cousins and their friend L over going to this African party with my roommate. I thought it was going to be a hot party and that i would have more fun than at the Nigerian party.
I miscalculated that one. So this so called house party was crap. It was like twenty people, all friends that knew each other and no cute guys. I think all the guys were with the girls that were there so in essence it was like a couples get together. The hostess was pregnant and pouring out shots for everyone else and as sweet as these people were, i was bored stupid until we left around 3 in the morning. It was bad. PLus i was allergic to the dog so i was walking around sneezing with my eyes puffed up to the size os saucers and bloodshot. I looked like i was completely blazed, it was so bad.
So, note to self, think twice before going out with the boys again. Last time i went out with them was Wednesday night, and we went to this Jamaican spot. It was cool music but hardly anyone was there and the ones who were there were serious ganga freaks who didn't look very clean. So you think i would have learned right? Well i certainly have now, no more.
It is so freaking hot, i am dying right now. But i gotta get ready for church now. Hopefully i will get a chance to go to Orlando next weekend with Andy, another cousin, but i KNOW i will have fun with him. He has a condo timeshare thing down there for the week and said all i needed to cover was my flight and he would cover all my other expenses. Funny enough J (sometimes known as the smelly kid) offered to pay for my flight to Orlando. I don't know why but he did. Hmmn. To exploit or not to exploit. A seemingly obvious but really complex question i am asking myself.
Work in progress.
Friday, March 10
Salsa Crazy!
Went Salsa dancing tonight. Well, it wasn't like a club or anything. This frat on campus was having a salsa night where they give free lessons and drinks and stuff and seeing as though my spring break plans are not materializing, i figured to take my recreation into my own hands.
Now you must understand i am not the girl who randomly goes places by herself to mingle with strangers. I'm not good at that i always feel stupid sitting by the wall in some dark corner willing someone to talk to me. But i was hoping ther would be a lot of people and since it was salsa and they were giving lessons, i was bound to do something and meet someone right? That was the plan when i put on my sexy heels and signature sex top (yes. i have one of those.) and went over.
I got there fashionably late (half an hour is pretty fashionable isn't it?) and it was not packed. I was scared, I had to work really hard to suppress the reflex to turn and high tail it outta there but i walked in and said to myself, if things do not pick up in ten minutes, i am leaving. Ten minutes later i meet this guy. He and i were the only ones who didn't come with a partner. Great stuff.
His name is Ludvig. He's from Norway, an exchange student. He has a Norwegian accent (betcha didn't see that one coming ey?) and an athletic body. I know this because we hit it off and he was my dance partner. And salsa dancing is pretty.... suggestive. Hmmn.
I was in four inch heels but still significantly shorter than him. So much so that i think i was occasionally aware of him looking down my top at times. I mean, it is an easy top to look down i suppose, especially from those heights. He had the typical European look and his shoulders were sexy. I don't know that normal people find shoulders sexy but i definately do and his definately were.
We danced. It was good, i had a good time with him and we sparked up convo. Afterwards we walked in the night air. Beautiful night. Warm with a great breeze and a full moon with a few stars speckled in the blue-black sky. We talked for a while and i got his email address.
Pleasant night all around i'd say. My roommate wants me to go to this African party with her tonight. Hmmn. Yeah, so by "African" it really means Nigerian and while i have nothing against Nigerians, i am avoiding too many Nigerian guys who are bound to be there who think that there might be a budding relationship in the works with me simply because i lack the balls to be blunt and admit that i'd be more interested in a loaf of bread or something. I have been avoiding calls and ducking into loos whenever i see one coming at me down a hallway. It's quite sad really. And i have bumped into two of them on occassion and had to awkward my way through explaining why i had been MIA all of a sudden. Bad, bad, bad. PLus this whole thing where i am the West African man magnet at this bloody school has just got to stop. Why the hell can't i attract American men? How do these men know i am African anyway? It's like a vibe they get or something because most Americans don't know i am not American but the blooming Africans do.
Perhaps i should get over my issues with the African men i have been with and revert back to my ideal no-Americans-strictly-non-dodgy-Africans-for-me mentality i had when i first moved here. Lord knows American men have made my life a Stephen King novel. Come to think of it, American men bug me a little. They really do. But upon further reflection (stay with me here, i am writing as i think so u r getting my mental process right now) it's not really down to the fact that they are American. Men in general have just been bugging me of late.
But American men have that extra layer of cockiness i have encountered with many Americans in general. That whole my-country-is-the-world-and-you-should-conform-to-it-crazy-foreigner-with-an-accent-and-possibly-AIDS train of thought. I realize i am grossly generalizing because a large number of Americans are very worldly and cultured and totally people i respect because so far that has been a rare attribute.
Whoa, where did i get off the road? I love Americans to death. I just keep meeting the wrong bloody ones. Especially when it comes to blokes. And the bloody Africans i meet are so freaking retarded i don't know what to do with myself sometimes. And none of them are cute! I see cute African men all the time who i would die to talk to but they always have a protective layer of motivated no-nonsense-i-will-beat-your-ass-with-a-bottle-if-you-so-much-as-look-this-way-again females surrounding them. And i am not the aggressive or confrontational type so, the odds are against me.
Right. Well, i really meant to just recap on the night's events so far. Apparently brevity eludes the long winded.
Now you must understand i am not the girl who randomly goes places by herself to mingle with strangers. I'm not good at that i always feel stupid sitting by the wall in some dark corner willing someone to talk to me. But i was hoping ther would be a lot of people and since it was salsa and they were giving lessons, i was bound to do something and meet someone right? That was the plan when i put on my sexy heels and signature sex top (yes. i have one of those.) and went over.
I got there fashionably late (half an hour is pretty fashionable isn't it?) and it was not packed. I was scared, I had to work really hard to suppress the reflex to turn and high tail it outta there but i walked in and said to myself, if things do not pick up in ten minutes, i am leaving. Ten minutes later i meet this guy. He and i were the only ones who didn't come with a partner. Great stuff.
His name is Ludvig. He's from Norway, an exchange student. He has a Norwegian accent (betcha didn't see that one coming ey?) and an athletic body. I know this because we hit it off and he was my dance partner. And salsa dancing is pretty.... suggestive. Hmmn.
I was in four inch heels but still significantly shorter than him. So much so that i think i was occasionally aware of him looking down my top at times. I mean, it is an easy top to look down i suppose, especially from those heights. He had the typical European look and his shoulders were sexy. I don't know that normal people find shoulders sexy but i definately do and his definately were.
We danced. It was good, i had a good time with him and we sparked up convo. Afterwards we walked in the night air. Beautiful night. Warm with a great breeze and a full moon with a few stars speckled in the blue-black sky. We talked for a while and i got his email address.
Pleasant night all around i'd say. My roommate wants me to go to this African party with her tonight. Hmmn. Yeah, so by "African" it really means Nigerian and while i have nothing against Nigerians, i am avoiding too many Nigerian guys who are bound to be there who think that there might be a budding relationship in the works with me simply because i lack the balls to be blunt and admit that i'd be more interested in a loaf of bread or something. I have been avoiding calls and ducking into loos whenever i see one coming at me down a hallway. It's quite sad really. And i have bumped into two of them on occassion and had to awkward my way through explaining why i had been MIA all of a sudden. Bad, bad, bad. PLus this whole thing where i am the West African man magnet at this bloody school has just got to stop. Why the hell can't i attract American men? How do these men know i am African anyway? It's like a vibe they get or something because most Americans don't know i am not American but the blooming Africans do.
Perhaps i should get over my issues with the African men i have been with and revert back to my ideal no-Americans-strictly-non-dodgy-Africans-for-me mentality i had when i first moved here. Lord knows American men have made my life a Stephen King novel. Come to think of it, American men bug me a little. They really do. But upon further reflection (stay with me here, i am writing as i think so u r getting my mental process right now) it's not really down to the fact that they are American. Men in general have just been bugging me of late.
But American men have that extra layer of cockiness i have encountered with many Americans in general. That whole my-country-is-the-world-and-you-should-conform-to-it-crazy-foreigner-with-an-accent-and-possibly-AIDS train of thought. I realize i am grossly generalizing because a large number of Americans are very worldly and cultured and totally people i respect because so far that has been a rare attribute.
Whoa, where did i get off the road? I love Americans to death. I just keep meeting the wrong bloody ones. Especially when it comes to blokes. And the bloody Africans i meet are so freaking retarded i don't know what to do with myself sometimes. And none of them are cute! I see cute African men all the time who i would die to talk to but they always have a protective layer of motivated no-nonsense-i-will-beat-your-ass-with-a-bottle-if-you-so-much-as-look-this-way-again females surrounding them. And i am not the aggressive or confrontational type so, the odds are against me.
Right. Well, i really meant to just recap on the night's events so far. Apparently brevity eludes the long winded.
Thursday, March 2
Food for Thought
I recieved one of those loathed email forwards today. I detest forwards. In all shapes, forms and fashions. I usually delete them before even opening them. I got one today from someone i have not spoken to in almost a year. I went to delete it and somehow accidentally opened it instead and my attention was caught.
It was a forward about the difference between a girl and a grown woman when it comes to relationships. I hate emails like that but i dunno what happened to me today because i read on. I realized a lot. Now i am not going to babble about some life or self-affirming internet experience where i saw the light and vowed on my life to change my wayward ways. But i was intrigued.
One line, i promise. then we can move on to more pertinent things.
Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the ones you love, don't always love you back -- and move on, without bitterness.
I told you i was intrigued.
Walked around all night last night trying to take pictures for my night shot assignment. I got nothing. I took a few crap shots but i really have zero. It's due today. But i am really not motivated for that class, it is really bad. I am not motivated in this class either. Journalism is crushing all my dreams here. I am really stagnant in the passion-for-your-career department. Hmmn.
I think i have withdrawn again. From people. It happens periodically where i have friends far away that i just do not want to talk to. Ok, i get a bit fitchy (new word kids. Yeah, it's not gonna stick.) when i imagine i am the one who is concerned with our friendship. I call and call and write messages and always make myself available when people call me. But there is no reciprocity. I feel like the nice guy gets left in the dust and i withdraw and indignantly decide if they are not going to try and talk to me, why should i?
It's a rather childish, selfish way to react isn't it? I think it is. But i am still not being the first one to call. I have been too often. If they care about me, they'll miss me right? Probably not, but it's a nice thought.
Hot guy at the play last night. Hot Hot Hot. Well, two hot guys. I went to see our theatre adaptation of August Wilson's "The Piano Lesson." Brilliant play, just gorgeous. I loved the movie when it came out and the actors and actresses who put it on last night did it justice, great stuff ladies and gents.
So the guy who played Boy Willie was really great. He is an actor, i can say that with confidence. I think it was his personality (even showing through his acting) that caught my eye and i was enthralled with him. He was a cutie. I looked him up. He has a girlfriend. Damn. Not that i would have done anything had he no girl but it was interesting because on his page, he wrote a shout out to his girl and told the world how much he loved her and how he knew she was the one when they first met. And he ended with "I love you beautiful." I thought it was sweet. Does that make me fickle?
Second hot guy. He is Mr. (insert school name here). He is an ambassador and active in about fifty clubs on campus. I am not exaggerating, it really is about fifty. He is smart and up and coming and black. Light skinned is usually not my cup of tea but he is fine. Also has a girl. I saw him first on our school website. He was cute. Last night during the intermission he came to talk to the family sitting behind me. He was in the isle. I looked up at him. He is actually very good looking. More so in person. Surprisingly i didn't have visions of stalking him after the show. I was not remotely upset that i was so close to such a good looking black man with his stuff together and i did not even have the option to have him. That was a turning point for me.
I am no longer stuck on anyone or stuck on the desire to be stuck on someone. Great stuff. Enough said.
This class is killing me!
It was a forward about the difference between a girl and a grown woman when it comes to relationships. I hate emails like that but i dunno what happened to me today because i read on. I realized a lot. Now i am not going to babble about some life or self-affirming internet experience where i saw the light and vowed on my life to change my wayward ways. But i was intrigued.
One line, i promise. then we can move on to more pertinent things.
Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the ones you love, don't always love you back -- and move on, without bitterness.
I told you i was intrigued.
Walked around all night last night trying to take pictures for my night shot assignment. I got nothing. I took a few crap shots but i really have zero. It's due today. But i am really not motivated for that class, it is really bad. I am not motivated in this class either. Journalism is crushing all my dreams here. I am really stagnant in the passion-for-your-career department. Hmmn.
I think i have withdrawn again. From people. It happens periodically where i have friends far away that i just do not want to talk to. Ok, i get a bit fitchy (new word kids. Yeah, it's not gonna stick.) when i imagine i am the one who is concerned with our friendship. I call and call and write messages and always make myself available when people call me. But there is no reciprocity. I feel like the nice guy gets left in the dust and i withdraw and indignantly decide if they are not going to try and talk to me, why should i?
It's a rather childish, selfish way to react isn't it? I think it is. But i am still not being the first one to call. I have been too often. If they care about me, they'll miss me right? Probably not, but it's a nice thought.
Hot guy at the play last night. Hot Hot Hot. Well, two hot guys. I went to see our theatre adaptation of August Wilson's "The Piano Lesson." Brilliant play, just gorgeous. I loved the movie when it came out and the actors and actresses who put it on last night did it justice, great stuff ladies and gents.
So the guy who played Boy Willie was really great. He is an actor, i can say that with confidence. I think it was his personality (even showing through his acting) that caught my eye and i was enthralled with him. He was a cutie. I looked him up. He has a girlfriend. Damn. Not that i would have done anything had he no girl but it was interesting because on his page, he wrote a shout out to his girl and told the world how much he loved her and how he knew she was the one when they first met. And he ended with "I love you beautiful." I thought it was sweet. Does that make me fickle?
Second hot guy. He is Mr. (insert school name here). He is an ambassador and active in about fifty clubs on campus. I am not exaggerating, it really is about fifty. He is smart and up and coming and black. Light skinned is usually not my cup of tea but he is fine. Also has a girl. I saw him first on our school website. He was cute. Last night during the intermission he came to talk to the family sitting behind me. He was in the isle. I looked up at him. He is actually very good looking. More so in person. Surprisingly i didn't have visions of stalking him after the show. I was not remotely upset that i was so close to such a good looking black man with his stuff together and i did not even have the option to have him. That was a turning point for me.
I am no longer stuck on anyone or stuck on the desire to be stuck on someone. Great stuff. Enough said.
This class is killing me!
Wednesday, March 1
Things i dream of doing...
1. Having sex under a waterfall.
2. Travelling the world over and living in at least five more countries. Not visiting but living.
3. Speaking 8 languages
4. Being a dancer.
5. Making life simple for my family, my parents.
6. Being successful enough one day to provide for my family.
7. Skiing
8. Having a life long best friend
9. Getting my own car.
10. Meeting Michael and Janet Jackson.
11. Being a successful anchor and impacting Zimbabwe.
12. Getting married and having babies.
13. Living a life i never get bored of.
14. Honeymooning in Anguilla.
15. Being serenaded by my baby.
16. Seeing God's face.
2. Travelling the world over and living in at least five more countries. Not visiting but living.
3. Speaking 8 languages
4. Being a dancer.
5. Making life simple for my family, my parents.
6. Being successful enough one day to provide for my family.
7. Skiing
8. Having a life long best friend
9. Getting my own car.
10. Meeting Michael and Janet Jackson.
11. Being a successful anchor and impacting Zimbabwe.
12. Getting married and having babies.
13. Living a life i never get bored of.
14. Honeymooning in Anguilla.
15. Being serenaded by my baby.
16. Seeing God's face.
Things I Want to Do...
1.Develop more of a passion for my career
2. Learn Farsi (Iranian language) and improve my Spanish
3. Go home
4. Make my parents proud of me. Really proud.
5. Move into my own place and have my own car.
6. Get a job. Soon.
7. Make more friends here. Real ones.
8. Get an internship.
9. Move east.
10. Take a real vacation for once, just for fun and not because it is convenient.
11. Start cooking classes to learn gourmet cooking and not just what i know.
12. Join a salsa dancing class.
13. Be more self sufficient.
14. Go to a museum.
15. Change my wardrobe.
16. Maintain a 3.7 GPA
2. Learn Farsi (Iranian language) and improve my Spanish
3. Go home
4. Make my parents proud of me. Really proud.
5. Move into my own place and have my own car.
6. Get a job. Soon.
7. Make more friends here. Real ones.
8. Get an internship.
9. Move east.
10. Take a real vacation for once, just for fun and not because it is convenient.
11. Start cooking classes to learn gourmet cooking and not just what i know.
12. Join a salsa dancing class.
13. Be more self sufficient.
14. Go to a museum.
15. Change my wardrobe.
16. Maintain a 3.7 GPA
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