I got through my radio show and had a good time doing it. I was a bit nervous at first but being in that studio by myself was a great help. I like broadcast and am glad i have decided to double major although the extra year sucks eggs, but u gotta do what gotta do right?
Just got back from the gym, sore in places i wasn't aware existed. This whole group exercise thing is great, it keeps me going. Had i been doing it on my own i would have quit. Hopefully by the end of the semester i will be closer to having a stellar body.
Tired and a little funky, i need to shower and get out of these work out clothes.
Monday, January 30
Sunday, January 29
Easy Sunday
Went to church early this morning, Potter's House. Hmmn. I'm still thinking about that one.
Dr. Maya Angelou is speaking here in a couple of weeks. I need to get a ticket, i am a great follower of her work. Her lyrical creations are just so beautiful.
My radio show starts tomorrow. By myself. That should be fun right? I dunno, the whole accent thing may trip me up but it's a necessary evil. I wish i would have gone with the American one during the rehearsal. Crap. But everyone loved it to death so i suppose i'll stick to it. It is the African in me trying to break free from this pseudo-American shell. And there is not a hint of American in me, i haven't even lived here for very long. It's the one thing i am most insecure about, my American accent. It doesn't fit and i try to hide it but it's been with me since i learned English. I hate that my true identity is hidden behind it and my need to be original and identify with who i really am just confuses things. But i'm locked in for the radio show. It's only an hour to start off so we'll see after tomorrow yeah?
Had a great night. Roommate was out at the library (still is) and i put on some soft lights and songs i used to be wild about during my teen years, mostly Keith Sweat, 702, Aaaliyah type music. It was fun reminiscing, Futch suggested spending more time with myself doing things that make me happy so i know what i want from a man and so i am not constantly stuck on some man. Good advice, but you can't expect less from Futch. She truly is a woman of the world. A pearl of wisdom because she doesn't know everything, but she knows what she knows well. Or is getting there and allowing me to tag along.
I'm listening to Destiny Child's Brown Eyes right now. Gorgeous.
Dr. Maya Angelou is speaking here in a couple of weeks. I need to get a ticket, i am a great follower of her work. Her lyrical creations are just so beautiful.
My radio show starts tomorrow. By myself. That should be fun right? I dunno, the whole accent thing may trip me up but it's a necessary evil. I wish i would have gone with the American one during the rehearsal. Crap. But everyone loved it to death so i suppose i'll stick to it. It is the African in me trying to break free from this pseudo-American shell. And there is not a hint of American in me, i haven't even lived here for very long. It's the one thing i am most insecure about, my American accent. It doesn't fit and i try to hide it but it's been with me since i learned English. I hate that my true identity is hidden behind it and my need to be original and identify with who i really am just confuses things. But i'm locked in for the radio show. It's only an hour to start off so we'll see after tomorrow yeah?
Had a great night. Roommate was out at the library (still is) and i put on some soft lights and songs i used to be wild about during my teen years, mostly Keith Sweat, 702, Aaaliyah type music. It was fun reminiscing, Futch suggested spending more time with myself doing things that make me happy so i know what i want from a man and so i am not constantly stuck on some man. Good advice, but you can't expect less from Futch. She truly is a woman of the world. A pearl of wisdom because she doesn't know everything, but she knows what she knows well. Or is getting there and allowing me to tag along.
I'm listening to Destiny Child's Brown Eyes right now. Gorgeous.
Saturday, January 28
Distraction is the undercover blessing i need right now...
Don't you find it odd how "nice" guys seem creepy? Is it their niceness that is so foreign to the female experience that has us wondering if they are "okay"? Are we so used to having the objects of our affections treat us like crap that when a nice guy comes along, the attraction detector barely squeaks out a faint bleep or goes completely dead? The whole cliche of girls liking bad guys is so distgustingly accurate even in it's most subtle form.
You can easily have a throng of guys who are "nice" and have their stuff together and are really not that unfortunate looking after you but they barely raise an eyebrow, let alone your blood pressure. You always find something wrong with them, some little insignificant excuse to explain your lack of attraction so that it makes the least bit of sense. But then a bastard of a man shows up all cocky and full of his own scent, slick as a snake and showing off his fangs and you just swoon and damn near lose your damn mind over him. Or he starts off great, interested in you, maybe standing a bit too close or grinding a bit too hard on the dance floor. A man who is smart, fine and got it together. Knows what exactly to say to you.
What is the difference? He exudes sex from his pores and you respond to it. A man so sexy he makes you hate your own boyfriend. But you know that there is a catch. And no matter what form it comes in, that catch is always the lack of committment, the propensity to slip and fall into other females' genitals, the periodic but always temporary allergy to telephones. He doesn't seem as skilled at caring for you the way those creepy nice blokes can.
You wonder if you were stranded at the airport at 2 a.m. in the morning and he was at a friend's house having a good time, would he really pick you up or offer to call you a cab? Would he be as willing as Nice McCreepy to take care of you when you're sick, fly across the country to see you on the weekend or help you move into your new place.
But it never fails does it. You still want that guy who calls you once a month for ten minutes just to keep you tethered. You know, in case he has a dry spell or eventually wants to settle with a 'nice' girl.
Nice girls always end up bitter. All girls always end up hurt. And yet she can't get him off her mind. she never knew she could care so deeply about someone she honestly, truly hated. she hates him so much, the feeling is like a poison in her blood. But what is frightening is that she thinks she may be in love with him. And she's never been in love before. Aside from me, she the most cynical person about love i know. But i think while she was sleeping, she fell into it. Well, what do you know?
You can easily have a throng of guys who are "nice" and have their stuff together and are really not that unfortunate looking after you but they barely raise an eyebrow, let alone your blood pressure. You always find something wrong with them, some little insignificant excuse to explain your lack of attraction so that it makes the least bit of sense. But then a bastard of a man shows up all cocky and full of his own scent, slick as a snake and showing off his fangs and you just swoon and damn near lose your damn mind over him. Or he starts off great, interested in you, maybe standing a bit too close or grinding a bit too hard on the dance floor. A man who is smart, fine and got it together. Knows what exactly to say to you.
What is the difference? He exudes sex from his pores and you respond to it. A man so sexy he makes you hate your own boyfriend. But you know that there is a catch. And no matter what form it comes in, that catch is always the lack of committment, the propensity to slip and fall into other females' genitals, the periodic but always temporary allergy to telephones. He doesn't seem as skilled at caring for you the way those creepy nice blokes can.
You wonder if you were stranded at the airport at 2 a.m. in the morning and he was at a friend's house having a good time, would he really pick you up or offer to call you a cab? Would he be as willing as Nice McCreepy to take care of you when you're sick, fly across the country to see you on the weekend or help you move into your new place.
But it never fails does it. You still want that guy who calls you once a month for ten minutes just to keep you tethered. You know, in case he has a dry spell or eventually wants to settle with a 'nice' girl.
Nice girls always end up bitter. All girls always end up hurt. And yet she can't get him off her mind. she never knew she could care so deeply about someone she honestly, truly hated. she hates him so much, the feeling is like a poison in her blood. But what is frightening is that she thinks she may be in love with him. And she's never been in love before. Aside from me, she the most cynical person about love i know. But i think while she was sleeping, she fell into it. Well, what do you know?
Monday, January 23
"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."
I stole that one from Jaz's blog because it was the most profound thing i have heard in a good while. Rather obscene, yes, but still profound. Brilliant.
I spoke to a man this weekend. A man in my past because apparently i can not get enough of living back there. Nostalgia is a vile wench. So i spoke to him and somewhere along the journey down memory lane i took a wrong turn on Screw Up Ave. It was messy. I think in some warped accident of reality, i told him my feelings for him from yester year. What would possess me to go back to that. I had vowed to take it to the grave. And instead of the whole incident proving therapeautic, i think it only set me back the few steps i had spent the entire year painfully making. I erased all my hard work in a careless slip of the tongue.
Technically, i did it on purpose. I am rather skilled, if i do blow my own horn for a second, at deceptive games. I know lying is nothing to take pride in but it is not lying, it is simply planting healthy seeds of doubt about something that may be true but i do not want to person on the recieving end knowing for sure. It is sort of my twisted form of confession. Good thing i am not Catholic, i would be bound for hell. But i tell someone the truth about me, and for my own "safety" i contradict it and cause the person to doubt the truth in what i have said. It works brilliantly all the time. And i think it may have backfired just a little this time because my emotions hijacked my common sense and line between feelings i have now and feelings i "got over" got very blurred.
I told him how i really felt about him. I hadn't actually told me how i felt about him so you could say we were both rather shocked. He unfortunately was shocked to silence and then refused to continue with the discussion. I got heatedly angry with him, then he got angry with me for not dropping it and finally we got off the phone in faux amicability. I'm not convinced that is an actual word but it fits.
You want to know what is laugh-out-loud ironic about it all? He has just moved. To D.C. No, no, it doesn't stop there. To the same school as the other man i have screwed up miserably with, literally. They are in the same field. At the same school.
Well done me.
I spoke to a man this weekend. A man in my past because apparently i can not get enough of living back there. Nostalgia is a vile wench. So i spoke to him and somewhere along the journey down memory lane i took a wrong turn on Screw Up Ave. It was messy. I think in some warped accident of reality, i told him my feelings for him from yester year. What would possess me to go back to that. I had vowed to take it to the grave. And instead of the whole incident proving therapeautic, i think it only set me back the few steps i had spent the entire year painfully making. I erased all my hard work in a careless slip of the tongue.
Technically, i did it on purpose. I am rather skilled, if i do blow my own horn for a second, at deceptive games. I know lying is nothing to take pride in but it is not lying, it is simply planting healthy seeds of doubt about something that may be true but i do not want to person on the recieving end knowing for sure. It is sort of my twisted form of confession. Good thing i am not Catholic, i would be bound for hell. But i tell someone the truth about me, and for my own "safety" i contradict it and cause the person to doubt the truth in what i have said. It works brilliantly all the time. And i think it may have backfired just a little this time because my emotions hijacked my common sense and line between feelings i have now and feelings i "got over" got very blurred.
I told him how i really felt about him. I hadn't actually told me how i felt about him so you could say we were both rather shocked. He unfortunately was shocked to silence and then refused to continue with the discussion. I got heatedly angry with him, then he got angry with me for not dropping it and finally we got off the phone in faux amicability. I'm not convinced that is an actual word but it fits.
You want to know what is laugh-out-loud ironic about it all? He has just moved. To D.C. No, no, it doesn't stop there. To the same school as the other man i have screwed up miserably with, literally. They are in the same field. At the same school.
Well done me.
Wednesday, January 18
Saturday, January 14
The Hard truth about Iran
While i was in Iran i was directed to check out the website for Iran Focus (link to the right) and the stories there are appalling, even for those of us who live among it day after day. What particularly piqued my interest of coarse was the stories of the horrors committed against the women of Iran who suffer internally but exude a ficade of indignance to the foreign eye to where you almost believe they are going to be ok when they are very far from ok. Here were a few of the headlines that attracted my interest:
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Jan. 07 – The government of radical Islamist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad plans to segregate Iran’s pedestrian walkways on gender basis, according to Fatemeh Alia, a deputy in Iran’s Majlis (Parliament) and one of Ahmadinejad’s closest allies
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Jan. 07 – An Iranian court has sentenced a teenage rape victim to death by hanging after she weepingly confessed that she had unintentionally killed a man who had tried to rape both her and her niece.
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Jan. 04 – In the latest “acid attack” by radical Islamists on young women accused of ignoring the country’s strict dress regulations, two female university students had acid splashed on their faces in the town of Shahroud, north-eastern Iran.
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Dec. 11 – An Islamic court in Tehran sentenced a woman to stoning for adultery in the town of Varamin, near Tehran, a state-run daily reported on Sunday
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Sep. 06 – Women who violate Iran’s strict Islamic dress code will be flogged immediately, prosecutor’s offices in provincial centres announced on Tuesday
shocking.
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Jan. 07 – The government of radical Islamist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad plans to segregate Iran’s pedestrian walkways on gender basis, according to Fatemeh Alia, a deputy in Iran’s Majlis (Parliament) and one of Ahmadinejad’s closest allies
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Jan. 07 – An Iranian court has sentenced a teenage rape victim to death by hanging after she weepingly confessed that she had unintentionally killed a man who had tried to rape both her and her niece.
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Jan. 04 – In the latest “acid attack” by radical Islamists on young women accused of ignoring the country’s strict dress regulations, two female university students had acid splashed on their faces in the town of Shahroud, north-eastern Iran.
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Dec. 11 – An Islamic court in Tehran sentenced a woman to stoning for adultery in the town of Varamin, near Tehran, a state-run daily reported on Sunday
Iran Focus: Tehran, Iran, Sep. 06 – Women who violate Iran’s strict Islamic dress code will be flogged immediately, prosecutor’s offices in provincial centres announced on Tuesday
shocking.
Tuesday, January 10
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