i think that is what i am going to rename my blog. sounds deep eh? puh. i have successfully gotten to that point where i am so disgusted with my life i can do nothing but recount it all in the hopes that that age old method of venting is not just crap but actually works. i dunno.
i have nothinig to be mad about but i just am. it has nothing to do with my period or any feminine hormones so let's don't go down that dead end street k? As much as i promised myself not to dwell on 'big things' i must say that i think he has gotten a glimpse of me in the depths of my negativity. ok, see, i don't even know what the hell that means. he is avoiding me and it is because he thinks i am a hypocrite and a liar and he has no time for me. it doesn't bother me much that it is him that is regarding me this way, that does not upset me, sooner or later i must expect disappointment when dealing with matters of romance. but it is the fact that i can only hide myself for so long before people see it is a chirade and that the real me is not very nice.
i was bad company to Migsy today. He lost four pounds and called me when he got back from weight watchers and we had lunch/dinner at lillies. usually mondays when he has lost wieght are a celebration and usually i am genuinely happy that he is so happy. however today i was mean and unsupportive. i had no energy to be nice. it takes energy for me to smile and be nice to people and even then i am bad at it. i expend so much trying to be one thing and people do not even notice.
No comments:
Post a Comment