Thursday, March 31
Sunday, March 27
clubbin'
yeah, i went clubbing tonight. I don't usually do such, but Daniel and i drove down to Statesboro to see Pippa and hang out with her friends. They spent most of the afternoon getting drunk, no not really but they had a lot to drink, especially Daniel. He bought me this energy drink called full throttle and i swear that junk is liquid cocain or something, i was buzzed. Anyway they were drinking and we got ready to go out at around 10 something. I wore these four inch heels (bad move china) and there were about ten or twelve of us and we walked (they opted to walk since they claimed it wasn't far but it was in freakin Russia almost). We got there and it was free drinks till eleven. I had had one smirnoff triple black back at the house and Daniel got me a vodka tonic that i took two sips out of, i'm not much of a drinker. Anyway we were chillin and dancing and all that and suddenly this cute guy starts talking to Kina (one of Pippa's girls) and apparently he thought i was cute ( shock horror) and wanted to talk to me. When i went to the loo, as i was coming out he stopped me and asked my name and stuff. Then he asked me to dance and i obliged.
He raped me on the dancefloor. No, no...... it was a mutual rape. Not just sex, but rape. And i liked it. Seriously though, we were dancing intensely. I mean i was all up on him and stuff and he was grabbing my waist and all that, it was cool. I felt.....horny i'll admit, but it was nice. It really wasn't all that graphic because bear in mind it's still me here. But it was sexy and hot and sweaty. Then i think i broke my feet. I was in four inch heels and thank God for that arb country song they played which gave us black people a chance to sit down. We did and we talked for about an hour until i had to leave. He got my number and i got his and it was all gravy. He's called since and we talk almost every night briefly. He is a busy busy man. He needs a nickname. Oh, by the way he has officially replaced Bigg. I have no desire for Bigg whatsoever anymore. Which is probably due to the fact that i have this new distraction to keep my thoughts occupied and that is enough incentive to forget all about Bigg. He doesn't even phase me anymore, i like that. I am not telling anyone about this new guy though. Just my cuz Pippa, cuz she was there, plus Migsy cuz...well he's Migsy and Ru because she's my best friend. OK, that is still a lot but i am not telling just every random person, i am trying tokeep things in perspective.
Ok, so i lie. I mean i do TRY to keep things in perspective but i noticed something funny the other day. If me and this guy were to have a relationship that resulted in marriage or something, i would be Samantha Stevens, like the lady from Bewiched. Isn't that funny? No? Yeah i know that is psycho of me to think this about a guy i just met. Let me stop. I have a date with him this Saturday or Monday, depending on when i go down there again. I am scared he'll be disappointed. He thought i was cute then, but what if it was just the night, the atmosphere, the drinks. Ok so he wasn't drinking, but still. I am scared he'll think twice and decide i would be a good friend to have. That would suck. OK i am thinking way too hard about this, i need to get a grip. See, this is why i aint got no damn body.
He raped me on the dancefloor. No, no...... it was a mutual rape. Not just sex, but rape. And i liked it. Seriously though, we were dancing intensely. I mean i was all up on him and stuff and he was grabbing my waist and all that, it was cool. I felt.....horny i'll admit, but it was nice. It really wasn't all that graphic because bear in mind it's still me here. But it was sexy and hot and sweaty. Then i think i broke my feet. I was in four inch heels and thank God for that arb country song they played which gave us black people a chance to sit down. We did and we talked for about an hour until i had to leave. He got my number and i got his and it was all gravy. He's called since and we talk almost every night briefly. He is a busy busy man. He needs a nickname. Oh, by the way he has officially replaced Bigg. I have no desire for Bigg whatsoever anymore. Which is probably due to the fact that i have this new distraction to keep my thoughts occupied and that is enough incentive to forget all about Bigg. He doesn't even phase me anymore, i like that. I am not telling anyone about this new guy though. Just my cuz Pippa, cuz she was there, plus Migsy cuz...well he's Migsy and Ru because she's my best friend. OK, that is still a lot but i am not telling just every random person, i am trying tokeep things in perspective.
Ok, so i lie. I mean i do TRY to keep things in perspective but i noticed something funny the other day. If me and this guy were to have a relationship that resulted in marriage or something, i would be Samantha Stevens, like the lady from Bewiched. Isn't that funny? No? Yeah i know that is psycho of me to think this about a guy i just met. Let me stop. I have a date with him this Saturday or Monday, depending on when i go down there again. I am scared he'll be disappointed. He thought i was cute then, but what if it was just the night, the atmosphere, the drinks. Ok so he wasn't drinking, but still. I am scared he'll think twice and decide i would be a good friend to have. That would suck. OK i am thinking way too hard about this, i need to get a grip. See, this is why i aint got no damn body.
Monday, March 14
morbid thoughts of an insecure mind
i think that is what i am going to rename my blog. sounds deep eh? puh. i have successfully gotten to that point where i am so disgusted with my life i can do nothing but recount it all in the hopes that that age old method of venting is not just crap but actually works. i dunno.
i have nothinig to be mad about but i just am. it has nothing to do with my period or any feminine hormones so let's don't go down that dead end street k? As much as i promised myself not to dwell on 'big things' i must say that i think he has gotten a glimpse of me in the depths of my negativity. ok, see, i don't even know what the hell that means. he is avoiding me and it is because he thinks i am a hypocrite and a liar and he has no time for me. it doesn't bother me much that it is him that is regarding me this way, that does not upset me, sooner or later i must expect disappointment when dealing with matters of romance. but it is the fact that i can only hide myself for so long before people see it is a chirade and that the real me is not very nice.
i was bad company to Migsy today. He lost four pounds and called me when he got back from weight watchers and we had lunch/dinner at lillies. usually mondays when he has lost wieght are a celebration and usually i am genuinely happy that he is so happy. however today i was mean and unsupportive. i had no energy to be nice. it takes energy for me to smile and be nice to people and even then i am bad at it. i expend so much trying to be one thing and people do not even notice.
i have nothinig to be mad about but i just am. it has nothing to do with my period or any feminine hormones so let's don't go down that dead end street k? As much as i promised myself not to dwell on 'big things' i must say that i think he has gotten a glimpse of me in the depths of my negativity. ok, see, i don't even know what the hell that means. he is avoiding me and it is because he thinks i am a hypocrite and a liar and he has no time for me. it doesn't bother me much that it is him that is regarding me this way, that does not upset me, sooner or later i must expect disappointment when dealing with matters of romance. but it is the fact that i can only hide myself for so long before people see it is a chirade and that the real me is not very nice.
i was bad company to Migsy today. He lost four pounds and called me when he got back from weight watchers and we had lunch/dinner at lillies. usually mondays when he has lost wieght are a celebration and usually i am genuinely happy that he is so happy. however today i was mean and unsupportive. i had no energy to be nice. it takes energy for me to smile and be nice to people and even then i am bad at it. i expend so much trying to be one thing and people do not even notice.
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