Regression?

This could be bad. I had planned to be free of it a long time ago. But I am deeper in it. I think I may be in love with him. Oh dear. Damn it all to hell. I have to wait and see what is in store this year because I am scared a bit. I need to seek God's counsel on this but that is my thought process right now.

So. Long Time.

To be honest I just haven't felt like writing much. Well, sometimes i do but then i get lazy and don't And I was just hit with that feeling now. But the best thing that has happened to me all year happened last night. I went to see Janet Jackson. My celebrity. I LOVE HER AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MEET HER AND I STILL THINK SHE IS THE BEST PERFORMER EVER. I just had to get that off my chest. I was awestruck to be in the same room with her and our seats were good and I loved the whole thing. I went with FB which was probably not the best thing because the few down bits I had that night were because of him. He didn't do anything, he just was being himself and my old ghosts would not stay dead. Ok. Let don't ruin this post with all that. Ms. Jackson was sexy and inspiraional and the best thing I have experienced all year. I LOVE YOU JANET!

Updates

My my my. I have been rather the naughty girl haven't I? I have stayed off this blog for ages. Oh dear, not too good. But a quite a bit has happened since I last blogged. Quick updates:

1. My uncle died. My aunt, his wife, dies three years ago now and it affected me very deeply. With him it wasn't as intense since I was much closer to her. There was loads of drama though. His Nigerian girlfriend and her kid and her not wanting to move out of his apartment....drama. Too much to recap really.

2. I got a job. Mind you I am a temp but it is a professional job and I don't have to be at that horrible place anymore. Lol. Ok, it wasn't horrible but it was tragic being there ages after graduation. I'm in the Ecommerce dept of a major Beauty Supply chain. I work at the HQ and my boss is nice. Met a girl in web design who graduated at the exact same ceremony as I did. Wild ey? I take the bus to work and make a bit more dosh than I was.

3. As a result of update number two I have moved an hour away. Well, not quite. I still have my apartment but I am staying with some people until I figure things out. It's a bit of a mess really but I am doing ok.


4. .....Well I suppose thats it really. A lot has stayed the same to my dismay.

1. I still don't have a car.

2. I am in the same apartment.

3. Still not over FB in the least, therefore am still single and slightly miserable. Though I don't have to see him often at all anymore but that just does nothing to speed up my getting over him.

That blows. I am restless still with life though things have changed for the better. I need to count my blessings though. I have been blessed beyond measure.

And I have become very very lazy when it comes to writing, hence my neglect of this blog. I guess I got tired of depressing posts and so I stopped. Hmmn.

Well thats it.

And life goes on.

Champions

MANCHESTER UNITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We won.I am so happy I could cry. We beat Chelsea's arse. I love it. Manchester is EPL champion. We rule the world of great football and our victory is oh so sweet.

Just wanted to say that bit. Cheers.

Sex and the City isn't always a good thing

I adore the series. Adore it. I am nuts about the upcoming movie, as disgustingly predictable and girly as that is, I have to admit, I feel all tingly all over when the trailer pops up and those gorgeous pink lights flash. So I'm a girl. Shoot me.

Funny enough I am watching a rerun at the moment. I have seen it before but it never gets old. Its almost painful how much I can relate to this show sometimes.

But thats just it As fun and real as this show seems, it's fiction. Or at least it isn't my personal reality. I identify a lot with it. I see a lot of Big traits in FB and sometimes catch myself drifting away in fantasyland. I do that way too often. I mean, I know the reality but when I don't like it very much, I fill in with my crazy little daydreams. It's completely insane you know. Insane.

So FB was over at my place all of Sunday practically I mean. I saw his car parked as I was walking home from church. So naturally I overreacted like some crazed girlfriend. I am neither girlfriend nor crazy so that was an interesting moment for me. I called one of my girlfriends (truth be told I called half my bloody phone book and she was the only one who picked up on time) and told her I was sure if I asked him what he was up to he would say he was at home or something. I looked into the car (crazy) to make sure it was his It was. Then I texted him and asked what he was doing. He said he was at work. Where his car was parked. I felt a little dumb and a bit shocked at my own crazed behavior.

So he said come visit me. So I dropped by where he was working. As per usual I stayed far too long.

Ok, a bit of background for this next bit. He and I are always joking that we should cook for each other I know, gay. But he actually lived up to it and cooked for me Twice. And gave me the food in Tupperware. In both our cultures it is very very rude to return empty containers. So it was my turn to reciprocate. Bollocks.

So Sunday I had promised to cook for him. And so after work that afternoon he came over. He had a dvd he had rented. Gory flick I was not at all inclined to watch. So he watched it in my room while I was in the kitchen cooking. Then while I was simmering the stew I mad, I got distracted talking to him and kind of burnt it Tragic really.

But we ended up on my futon watching youtube videos of Michael Jackson, one of our shared hobbies, and downloading music. At some point I was half laying on him and he was stroking my stomach. Bad I know. But nothing happened.

He left finally at around 10:30. I have to admit I was a little upset, much to my dismay.

So I am going in and out with these crazy hallucinations. He can be so insensitive and make me so mad sometimes. Like Big. The real TV Big I mean. And we have these ridiculous fights all the time that only make me snap back to reality and see the foolishness in my fantasies about him.

Ok. Stop. This is beyond obsession and crazy now.

I wish I looked like Sanaa Lathan. Lol. Random I am watching Out of Time now. She is gorgeous. WOuld life be any better if I looked like her? I know. Shallow.

Anyway I have much more important things to blog about but I have gotten into the habit of not thinking about those things and just switching off so I suppose I will do the same in this blog. I have shut down people. I have shut down inside and am just coasting. It's rather....I dunno.

Working at Starbucks is so not as glamorous as I would have hoped I am a bit disillusioned. Hmmn. If one more person asks me for a Skinny tall, nonfat vanilla latte with hazelnut syrup and light whip, no drizzle, I might just drown them in mocha sauce. For reals.

Somehow I got really distracted from what I wanted to blog about. Hmmn.