gaw-geous!!

marimba band. Our lunchtime entertainment on tortuga

cruising to isa tortuga

view from my airplane window. I think we were over cuba or something. Fun.

You are supposed to feel better once you figure out you've been a deluded moron about something

I had a talk with Frier yesterday. It made me think hard about me. She kept telling me to figure out what I wanted out of life in general and relationships in specific. I assessed the Peanut file. I opened it up, reviewed the evidence and the literature that I have avoided, and then I interrogated the suspect and got a chilling yet subtle confession. He wasn't aware that he confessed but I got what I needed to know. And I came to a conclusion. Key word being conclusion. I have grossly miscalculated and now the Peanut file is right next to the Bigg file in the filing cabinet labeled "BLUNDER."

I made a horrible mistake. Out of desperation. And restlessness. And now my heart bleeds a little in place of tears that are too superficial for my self-respecting mind to allow my body to conjure up. Despite the superficiality that should have been blatantly apparent to me all along, something seeped through the cracks of my pseudo-steely barrier and went deep. I thought I could get what I need from Peanut. But he was never offering it to begin with. I cannot be at all mad at him for what he told me last night. He has been an "on-the-surface" kind of guy all along. He's been consistent. It was me that was looking for what lies beneath. I thought I could trick myself. Well....yet again the joke's on me isn't it?