Thursday, August 24
Tuesday, August 15
Thursday, August 10
Wednesday, August 9
Welcome back to the good old US of A
My trip went straight to hell before it even began.
Tehran, Iran 3:00 a.m.
Got the the airport in due time to check in for my flight to Amsterdam. Joined a relatively short looking queu and waited. And waited. And waited. And bloody waited. So apparently the guy checking us in was really really slow or something beacause by 5 we were still in line. My light was taking off at 5:50. So we finally get to the front of the queu and the guy does my paperwork, checks in my two bags and gives me my boarding pass and is gone before i can even say thank you. I glance at the boarding pass and realize it is not a boarding pass at all but a summary of the itinerary. Bloody hell.
We had to get the manager to fix it which took fifty forevers. Apparently we were not the only victims of the inept travel assistant. So we waited. And waited. And bloody waited. All the while all the airport people are looking for this guy who has just disappeared into thin air and they all had blood in their eyes. So at 5:40 my stuff is processed and it is off to immigration. That took forever. I got through finally, by the sheer grace of God, and had to go through security and catch the shuttle to my plane. Lovely jubbly.
Because of the error, they put me in first class as a courtesy. Yay! First class rocks my bloody socks off! I dunno how the rest of us lay people manage in coach. They offered me freshly squeezed orange juice in a wine glass as soon as i sat down. She just appeared out of nowhere. I don't like fresh orange juice with pulp but i took it anyway. It's first class you see.
By the time everybody boarded, we were already fifteen minutes late. Then we sat on the runway for an added twenty because of some problem with the air traffic controllers. I should have seen this as a sign for things to come, but i was so busy rolling in business class luxury, i didn't think twice about it. Yay first class. They have a menu. A MENU!! None of that "Chicken or pasta" business like in coach. Honestly. The snack was a gourmet pizza and wine. I mean really! Ok, enough. I've exposed my low rank enough and why i should not be allowed in business class any more. Six hour flight to Amsterdam.
Amsterdam, Netherlands 11:00 a.m.
We got to Amsterdam late. I had an hour between flights and nearly missed the blasted thing because they had not given me a boarding pass in Tehran so i had to find a transfer desk and get one and then go to the gate and board. The lady behind the counter at the transfer desk was a bloody cow. I dunno if it is a Dutch thing, but she was evil incarnate. I could not finish a bloody sentence without her rudely interrupting me and acting as if i were some inept child who purposely delayed my flight. Wanking cow! I really hope she chokes on her own evil attitude and dies.
Made it to my gate and was interrogated as usual when flying to the US. Went through security and boarded. My seat was an isle seat back with the masses in coach class. It was not terrible. Just not business class. Shame, really. Ten hour flight to Detroit.
Somewhere above Detroit 2:15 p.m.
We were late. And i had an hour to make my next flight to Dallas. Something was wrong on the ground so we flew over the airport for twenty minutes.
Detroit, USA 2:25 p.m.
Landed. My next flight was supposed to be boarding. I had to go through customs and immigration first.
Line for immigration, 3:30 p.m.
Missed my flight to Dallas because once again i picked a stupid line that did not move. When i finally got to the front, my immigration process began. You know, being a foreigner re-entering the U.S. is not fun. You feel like a bloody criminal. They take your fingerprints, your picture and ask you all sorts of invasive questions. I know it is their job to protect American borders but they could be a bit nicer about it and not suspect you have a bomb strapped to your chest just because your port of origin was somewhere in the middle east.
Finally got through immigration and moved on to customs where they ask you to get your checked luggage and have it examined and rechecked. I went to get my two bags. Waited. Waited. Waited. Got one bag. Waited. Waited. Bloody well waited till the belt stopped and me and a few other passengers were left standing there stunned and annoyed. They lost my bloody luggage. It's not coming out. It's somewhere between Amsterdam and Detroit. Last i saw it was in Tehran where they mucked up my boarding pass. It may still be there for all i know. PANIC!
Internal panic that is. I have already missed my flight to bloody Dallas. Now they've lost the bigger of my two bags and i still have to go through customs. Ok, don't panic, be strong! Be strong.
Join the line for re-routing flights. They tell me i am flying to Cincinatti and then to Dallas later on tonight. I stand there agog. Are you serious? Yes ma'am, that is the only way we can get u to Dallas tonight. I don't even remember what state Cincinatti is in. Ok, fine.
Go through customs, rude ass woman doing the bags. Go to hell is what i would like to tell her but i don't. Now i have to go through security. Brilliant. Just what i need. And of course i have been "randomly" selected to have an extra security search (funny how i am ALWAYS randomly selected isn't it? Always.). They made me walk through this strange metal detector-looking thing that blows air up and down your body. I have had to do it before so it wasn't shock, just amazement. What the fuck is the point of the air thing? No clue. Give me strength Lord Jesus to stop cussing internally and to have peace.
Then they opened all my hand luggage and search it. I am too tired to be upset by this point. I just want to get to a bed.
So i waited for my flight to bloody Ohio. Boarded and everthing seemed fine. Only one more leg to go. One hour flight.
Cincinatti, Ohio 6:30 p.m.
Got to the airport. In Detroit they had not given me a boarding pass to Dallas so i had to look for Delta and get one. Got to the right desk and apparently they had mucked up some Air France flight so about eight thousand people were already in line. Fun times. Finally got to the front of the line only to discover with glee that Detroit had forgotten to even BOOK me on the flight to Dallas. Will this never end? Luckily for me, the flight was not full so they found me a seat. Well three cheers for that.
Dallas, Texas 9:44 p.m.
Landed. Yay. Got my one bag that was checked in Detroit. Yay. Went to Northwest to file a claim for my missing bag. They told me to go back the fifteen thousand miles i had gone to file the claim with Delta because they delivered me to Dallas. Those were her exact words, delivered. She was a cow. She was rude and annoying. Choke on rocks lady. And die slowly.
Went back to Delta and filed the claim with a very nice older gentleman who was so nice, i felt better. Went home, finally. Got in at 11:30. Called mum and dad and told them i was here and about my ordeal. Went to bed. My trip form hell was over. Now all i needed was to wait for my missing bag.
Welcome to bloody America, hope you enjoy your stay, thank you for doing business with us.
Tehran, Iran 3:00 a.m.
Got the the airport in due time to check in for my flight to Amsterdam. Joined a relatively short looking queu and waited. And waited. And waited. And bloody waited. So apparently the guy checking us in was really really slow or something beacause by 5 we were still in line. My light was taking off at 5:50. So we finally get to the front of the queu and the guy does my paperwork, checks in my two bags and gives me my boarding pass and is gone before i can even say thank you. I glance at the boarding pass and realize it is not a boarding pass at all but a summary of the itinerary. Bloody hell.
We had to get the manager to fix it which took fifty forevers. Apparently we were not the only victims of the inept travel assistant. So we waited. And waited. And bloody waited. All the while all the airport people are looking for this guy who has just disappeared into thin air and they all had blood in their eyes. So at 5:40 my stuff is processed and it is off to immigration. That took forever. I got through finally, by the sheer grace of God, and had to go through security and catch the shuttle to my plane. Lovely jubbly.
Because of the error, they put me in first class as a courtesy. Yay! First class rocks my bloody socks off! I dunno how the rest of us lay people manage in coach. They offered me freshly squeezed orange juice in a wine glass as soon as i sat down. She just appeared out of nowhere. I don't like fresh orange juice with pulp but i took it anyway. It's first class you see.
By the time everybody boarded, we were already fifteen minutes late. Then we sat on the runway for an added twenty because of some problem with the air traffic controllers. I should have seen this as a sign for things to come, but i was so busy rolling in business class luxury, i didn't think twice about it. Yay first class. They have a menu. A MENU!! None of that "Chicken or pasta" business like in coach. Honestly. The snack was a gourmet pizza and wine. I mean really! Ok, enough. I've exposed my low rank enough and why i should not be allowed in business class any more. Six hour flight to Amsterdam.
Amsterdam, Netherlands 11:00 a.m.
We got to Amsterdam late. I had an hour between flights and nearly missed the blasted thing because they had not given me a boarding pass in Tehran so i had to find a transfer desk and get one and then go to the gate and board. The lady behind the counter at the transfer desk was a bloody cow. I dunno if it is a Dutch thing, but she was evil incarnate. I could not finish a bloody sentence without her rudely interrupting me and acting as if i were some inept child who purposely delayed my flight. Wanking cow! I really hope she chokes on her own evil attitude and dies.
Made it to my gate and was interrogated as usual when flying to the US. Went through security and boarded. My seat was an isle seat back with the masses in coach class. It was not terrible. Just not business class. Shame, really. Ten hour flight to Detroit.
Somewhere above Detroit 2:15 p.m.
We were late. And i had an hour to make my next flight to Dallas. Something was wrong on the ground so we flew over the airport for twenty minutes.
Detroit, USA 2:25 p.m.
Landed. My next flight was supposed to be boarding. I had to go through customs and immigration first.
Line for immigration, 3:30 p.m.
Missed my flight to Dallas because once again i picked a stupid line that did not move. When i finally got to the front, my immigration process began. You know, being a foreigner re-entering the U.S. is not fun. You feel like a bloody criminal. They take your fingerprints, your picture and ask you all sorts of invasive questions. I know it is their job to protect American borders but they could be a bit nicer about it and not suspect you have a bomb strapped to your chest just because your port of origin was somewhere in the middle east.
Finally got through immigration and moved on to customs where they ask you to get your checked luggage and have it examined and rechecked. I went to get my two bags. Waited. Waited. Waited. Got one bag. Waited. Waited. Bloody well waited till the belt stopped and me and a few other passengers were left standing there stunned and annoyed. They lost my bloody luggage. It's not coming out. It's somewhere between Amsterdam and Detroit. Last i saw it was in Tehran where they mucked up my boarding pass. It may still be there for all i know. PANIC!
Internal panic that is. I have already missed my flight to bloody Dallas. Now they've lost the bigger of my two bags and i still have to go through customs. Ok, don't panic, be strong! Be strong.
Join the line for re-routing flights. They tell me i am flying to Cincinatti and then to Dallas later on tonight. I stand there agog. Are you serious? Yes ma'am, that is the only way we can get u to Dallas tonight. I don't even remember what state Cincinatti is in. Ok, fine.
Go through customs, rude ass woman doing the bags. Go to hell is what i would like to tell her but i don't. Now i have to go through security. Brilliant. Just what i need. And of course i have been "randomly" selected to have an extra security search (funny how i am ALWAYS randomly selected isn't it? Always.). They made me walk through this strange metal detector-looking thing that blows air up and down your body. I have had to do it before so it wasn't shock, just amazement. What the fuck is the point of the air thing? No clue. Give me strength Lord Jesus to stop cussing internally and to have peace.
Then they opened all my hand luggage and search it. I am too tired to be upset by this point. I just want to get to a bed.
So i waited for my flight to bloody Ohio. Boarded and everthing seemed fine. Only one more leg to go. One hour flight.
Cincinatti, Ohio 6:30 p.m.
Got to the airport. In Detroit they had not given me a boarding pass to Dallas so i had to look for Delta and get one. Got to the right desk and apparently they had mucked up some Air France flight so about eight thousand people were already in line. Fun times. Finally got to the front of the line only to discover with glee that Detroit had forgotten to even BOOK me on the flight to Dallas. Will this never end? Luckily for me, the flight was not full so they found me a seat. Well three cheers for that.
Dallas, Texas 9:44 p.m.
Landed. Yay. Got my one bag that was checked in Detroit. Yay. Went to Northwest to file a claim for my missing bag. They told me to go back the fifteen thousand miles i had gone to file the claim with Delta because they delivered me to Dallas. Those were her exact words, delivered. She was a cow. She was rude and annoying. Choke on rocks lady. And die slowly.
Went back to Delta and filed the claim with a very nice older gentleman who was so nice, i felt better. Went home, finally. Got in at 11:30. Called mum and dad and told them i was here and about my ordeal. Went to bed. My trip form hell was over. Now all i needed was to wait for my missing bag.
Welcome to bloody America, hope you enjoy your stay, thank you for doing business with us.
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