my hair before.
Sunday, February 5
The only times being a black woman sucks
Lawd take me now!
I just spent the day getting my hair done. No, you misread that....i said i just SPENT THE DAY getting my HAIR done. And i'm not talking braids either....oh no. I'm talking getting it pressed. I went in at 2 and got out at 6:30 and spent some Asian child's entire month's tuition at elementary school doing it too. These are the only time being a black woman sucks big time. And to add to that i am of the pure African variety. So no mixed blood to thin out and prettify my hair. No Indian, Asian, Arab or white in me. Just pure African bush kink. Don't believe me? Look at the picture above and explain to me what kind of mess that is.
It was coiled up so tight that when my hairdresser finally managed to straighten that mess, it was three times as long as it had looked. She broke a comb in my hair. I'm not lying. Before the press it felt like mattress springs. No, it is soft, my hair has always been really soft, but you could bounce a quarter off of it and i promise you you wouldn't find it.
Let me school you on the art of black women's hair. First of all, power to the weave and braids. Much respect. Second, without chemicals...you are fighting a losing battle uphill. I decided to chuck chemicals a year ago. I have been chemical free since November 2004. I figured chemicals were killing my hair which was thinning at alarming rates and falling out. I was forever in braids and when i took them down i got it relaxed and then it was straight back into braids. So all that was doing my hair no good. Seeing as though i can not stand my hair, i am still all about braids. So, to cut down on breakage i went natural. I look like that guy off the movie "The gods Must Be Crazy" when it's natural. And you cannot comb it at all, hence my hairdresser breaking her comb in my hair.
Then the salon process. You make an appointment for 2 and you have to figure four other clients getting their hair done by your dresser at the same bloody time. So she washes you and puts you in the dryer, then gets back to setting someone's hair to put them under the dryer and then she's cutting some man's hair and starting a relaxer on a little girl and going back and forth and back and forth. So you spend the entire day there and you do a lot of waiting. One lady fell asleep in the dryer with some purple gunk in her hair and stained the wall.
But it's straight now (Thank You Jesus) and i have to keep it away from moisture the whole week till my roommate can braid it on Friday. That means i have to be careful not to sweat too much during aerobics everyday and have to wear a shower cap in the shower and make sure steam doesn't creep up in there. Do you see how my life is?
And what really stung was the bill at the end of the day. After all that when i saw the bill....it honestly hurt my soul. My spirit broke and i nearly choked on my heart. And it still hurts right now. And to think i have to spend exhorbitant amounts this week on the hair i need to get braided in. Being a black woman takes a lot of stength, patience and money. And i am running out of all three of those.
I just spent the day getting my hair done. No, you misread that....i said i just SPENT THE DAY getting my HAIR done. And i'm not talking braids either....oh no. I'm talking getting it pressed. I went in at 2 and got out at 6:30 and spent some Asian child's entire month's tuition at elementary school doing it too. These are the only time being a black woman sucks big time. And to add to that i am of the pure African variety. So no mixed blood to thin out and prettify my hair. No Indian, Asian, Arab or white in me. Just pure African bush kink. Don't believe me? Look at the picture above and explain to me what kind of mess that is.
It was coiled up so tight that when my hairdresser finally managed to straighten that mess, it was three times as long as it had looked. She broke a comb in my hair. I'm not lying. Before the press it felt like mattress springs. No, it is soft, my hair has always been really soft, but you could bounce a quarter off of it and i promise you you wouldn't find it.
Let me school you on the art of black women's hair. First of all, power to the weave and braids. Much respect. Second, without chemicals...you are fighting a losing battle uphill. I decided to chuck chemicals a year ago. I have been chemical free since November 2004. I figured chemicals were killing my hair which was thinning at alarming rates and falling out. I was forever in braids and when i took them down i got it relaxed and then it was straight back into braids. So all that was doing my hair no good. Seeing as though i can not stand my hair, i am still all about braids. So, to cut down on breakage i went natural. I look like that guy off the movie "The gods Must Be Crazy" when it's natural. And you cannot comb it at all, hence my hairdresser breaking her comb in my hair.
Then the salon process. You make an appointment for 2 and you have to figure four other clients getting their hair done by your dresser at the same bloody time. So she washes you and puts you in the dryer, then gets back to setting someone's hair to put them under the dryer and then she's cutting some man's hair and starting a relaxer on a little girl and going back and forth and back and forth. So you spend the entire day there and you do a lot of waiting. One lady fell asleep in the dryer with some purple gunk in her hair and stained the wall.
But it's straight now (Thank You Jesus) and i have to keep it away from moisture the whole week till my roommate can braid it on Friday. That means i have to be careful not to sweat too much during aerobics everyday and have to wear a shower cap in the shower and make sure steam doesn't creep up in there. Do you see how my life is?
And what really stung was the bill at the end of the day. After all that when i saw the bill....it honestly hurt my soul. My spirit broke and i nearly choked on my heart. And it still hurts right now. And to think i have to spend exhorbitant amounts this week on the hair i need to get braided in. Being a black woman takes a lot of stength, patience and money. And i am running out of all three of those.
Thursday, February 2
Email to Ru
You know, I woke up this morning and my best friend and I were estranged. It happened while life was distracting us, but there I was, halfway around the world from her and I didn’t even know her anymore. I tried to figure out why I had been best friends with her to begin with. I couldn’t. Not because we weren’t. But because it was one of those things that cannot be proved or disproved by science. I believe in soul mates, you know? I recently read a blog entry dealing with soul mates and I suppose it got me thinking. I believe that everyone has a soul mate. But I also believe that everyone has one soul mate for romantic love and another one for love undefined.
I don’t know if I was so anxious for a best friend that I was too cavalier in my acceptance of her in that role. I thought we could have that connection. I know they say that you can’t pick your family but you are somewhat redeemed because you can pick your friends but I dunno that that is true. I think that maybe, just maybe you don’t pick your friends but you are connected somehow. Now, not all friends are meant to be and certainly not all of them are worthwhile. Believe me, I know this full well. But there are some that you meet and your spirits touch. When you are planning your life and looking ahead to your forever, you see them there, no question. You know that they are there to stay. That is how I thought I felt. I love her despite myself. I care who she dates and what she wears and what her relationship with God is. I get upset when I hear about the wonderful things she does with her ‘other’ friends because she’s not doing them with me. I am salved by the knowledge that someone out there actually gives a damn that I have trouble with relationships, and that someone understands that I have serious self esteem issues and that I really am fishing when I pretend not to be.
SO where does that leave us? I thought we were forever. I know I sound incredibly sappy and perhaps I am blowing things way out of proportion like I am apt to do. Maybe I think too much. And maybe I sound too much like a Lifetime Movie. But what I do know is that I miss you. Not just the superficial things like spending hours outside my gate or your gate talking about nothing or taking the bus home together or swapping sad stories about guys we wanted but could never have, but the fact that we know things about each other no one else does. That though we get annoyed with each other and may not have the opportunity to talk every week or every month even, that we are still soul mates. Why do I call you my best friend? Because I need you to be that for me. And I need even more to be that for you.
I’ve lost my soul mate through distance, time and life’s distractions. I just wanted to tell you I think about you still. I didn’t choose you, you didn’t choose me. Perhaps it’s all one sided and I am just out of my mind. But I miss my best friend and though I am embarrassed and scared to let you know all of this because it is what I feel in the vaults of my emotions, who else would I tell? I don’t want to be estranged and not know you anymore. I want to still be your best friend, cause you’re still mine.
I don’t know if I was so anxious for a best friend that I was too cavalier in my acceptance of her in that role. I thought we could have that connection. I know they say that you can’t pick your family but you are somewhat redeemed because you can pick your friends but I dunno that that is true. I think that maybe, just maybe you don’t pick your friends but you are connected somehow. Now, not all friends are meant to be and certainly not all of them are worthwhile. Believe me, I know this full well. But there are some that you meet and your spirits touch. When you are planning your life and looking ahead to your forever, you see them there, no question. You know that they are there to stay. That is how I thought I felt. I love her despite myself. I care who she dates and what she wears and what her relationship with God is. I get upset when I hear about the wonderful things she does with her ‘other’ friends because she’s not doing them with me. I am salved by the knowledge that someone out there actually gives a damn that I have trouble with relationships, and that someone understands that I have serious self esteem issues and that I really am fishing when I pretend not to be.
SO where does that leave us? I thought we were forever. I know I sound incredibly sappy and perhaps I am blowing things way out of proportion like I am apt to do. Maybe I think too much. And maybe I sound too much like a Lifetime Movie. But what I do know is that I miss you. Not just the superficial things like spending hours outside my gate or your gate talking about nothing or taking the bus home together or swapping sad stories about guys we wanted but could never have, but the fact that we know things about each other no one else does. That though we get annoyed with each other and may not have the opportunity to talk every week or every month even, that we are still soul mates. Why do I call you my best friend? Because I need you to be that for me. And I need even more to be that for you.
I’ve lost my soul mate through distance, time and life’s distractions. I just wanted to tell you I think about you still. I didn’t choose you, you didn’t choose me. Perhaps it’s all one sided and I am just out of my mind. But I miss my best friend and though I am embarrassed and scared to let you know all of this because it is what I feel in the vaults of my emotions, who else would I tell? I don’t want to be estranged and not know you anymore. I want to still be your best friend, cause you’re still mine.
Wednesday, February 1
Special
Hey J
It's been a long time sinceI've seen you last
A half and twenty-six years
(My time is fast)
I'm well
Though I've gone through
Some deep changes in my life
It has been easy
Oh no not for me
It's been difficult at times
Sometimes I'd sit down and cry
Ask God oh why
(Fair... what is?)
I know how you're feelin'
Same thing I did deal with
Ya not as alone
As you may feel
You see but oh
It catches up to us fast
We have to deal with our past
I know it's painful but
There you'll find specialness
'Cause everybody needs to feel real special
We need to remember
The love lies deep within ourselves
We have to want it so
It starts with us and no one else
We must learn
We're all born with specialness inside of us
I have the need
To feel real special too
You see you can't run away from your pain
Because wherever you run there will be
You have to learn to water your spiritual garden
Then you will be freeI know how you're feelin'
Same thing I did deal with
Ya not as alone
As you may feel
You see but oh
It catches up to us fast
We have to deal with our past
I know it's painful but
There you'll find specialness
'Cause everybody needs to feel real special
We need to remember
The love lies deep within ourselves
We have to want it soIt starts with us and no one else
We must learn
We're all born with specialness inside of us
I have the need
To feel real special too
-Janet
It's been a long time sinceI've seen you last
A half and twenty-six years
(My time is fast)
I'm well
Though I've gone through
Some deep changes in my life
It has been easy
Oh no not for me
It's been difficult at times
Sometimes I'd sit down and cry
Ask God oh why
(Fair... what is?)
I know how you're feelin'
Same thing I did deal with
Ya not as alone
As you may feel
You see but oh
It catches up to us fast
We have to deal with our past
I know it's painful but
There you'll find specialness
'Cause everybody needs to feel real special
We need to remember
The love lies deep within ourselves
We have to want it so
It starts with us and no one else
We must learn
We're all born with specialness inside of us
I have the need
To feel real special too
You see you can't run away from your pain
Because wherever you run there will be
You have to learn to water your spiritual garden
Then you will be freeI know how you're feelin'
Same thing I did deal with
Ya not as alone
As you may feel
You see but oh
It catches up to us fast
We have to deal with our past
I know it's painful but
There you'll find specialness
'Cause everybody needs to feel real special
We need to remember
The love lies deep within ourselves
We have to want it soIt starts with us and no one else
We must learn
We're all born with specialness inside of us
I have the need
To feel real special too
-Janet
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